Every year we here at TDL NEWS like to give are heartfelt (well excluding me since I have been clinically diagnosed as a "heartless prick" on many occasions) thanks to all those sites who have become part of our extended blogging family.
TDL ENTERTAINMENT: LIST OF THE YEAR EXTRAVAGANZA!!
The editor of TDL NEWS would like it expressly known that these lists are in no way a series of posts meant to fill the space between the holidays and the New Year. They are deadly serious business and many lives and brain cells were lost in their creation.
A.C #1's picks for 2006
Albums of the Year:
1. Hatebreed - Supremacy
Okay so they sound like skinhead music and just because they titled their album "Supremacy" it doesn't mean they are. What they are is brutal, heavy and angry with lyrics that sound like Dr.Phil on steroids and Black Label:
"So resolve, reassure and push on without fear Ignite the flame, because only you govern what tomorrow holds It's inside us all waiting to be awoken It's more then words describe This is the spark, let it burn, make it build It will never be denied." - Never let it die.
Download: Never let it die, Destroy Everything
2. Black Label Society - Shot to Hell Another year, another rock solid BLS album. Download: Hell is High, New Religion
3. Lacuna Coil - Karmacode While TDL NEWS always frowns on pussy rock it can be acceptable when the lead singer has one, and also has a cute Italian accent. Oh yeah she can sing too. Download: Without Fear, The Game
4. In Flames - Come Clarity Classic Metal in the vein of Maiden. Download: Come Clarity, Vanishing Light
5. Black Stone Cherry - Black Stone Cherry A few so-so songs drag down the best Rock album of the year. Definitely the best debut in recent or longterm memory. Download - Drive, Shooting Star
Movies of the Year;
1. Jackass No.2 - You cannot explain Jackass No.2 it must be seen by your own eyes, lucky for you it comes out on DVD the day after Xmas.
2. Pirates of the Caribbean 2 - This movie had everything, Keira Knightley for the guys, Jonny Depp for the fairer sex, and Orlando Bloom for the queers. Plus plenty of humor and action.
3. Rocky Balboa -
4. Illegal ass: 3rd Degree - this film seeks the highest level of human emotional growth and man's desire to achieve enlightenment in the vast and entropic universe, and Illegal ass (all ass in Illegal ass is legal)
5. Miami Vice - Yeah so it tanked, Michael Mann is one of my favorite Directors.
Best of Television:
1. Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX) - The meanest, and most degenerate sitcom ever produced. What's it about? I doubt the creators could answer that question. Painful to watch, also painfully funny. This seasons highlights: "The Gang gives back," "Mac bangs Dennis's mom"
2. The Unit (CBS) - More realistic than 24, with plenty of action as we follow the lives of America's most elite soldiers.
3. 24 (Fox) - What really needs to be said. When Jack is on screen the show is the best on TV
4. The First 48 / Kansas City SWAT (A&E) - Police shows that rip through Hollywood mythology and show you the shit you don't want to know. You can't compare the drama of seeing real victims and their families and the people who chase them down.
5. Rescue Me (FX) - Denis Leary's saga of New York's bravest as they battle fires and themselves offers some of the meatiest roles on TV. Plenty of drunken Irish mayhem too.
CHARLIE SHEEN INVESTIGATES: THE BORIS MYSTERY Pt.2
By: Charley Sheen / #3
I was playing poker with these creepy Russian weirdos for a while, unfortunately for them they didn't know that poker legend Doyle Brunson had just done a guest spot on my hit TV show "Two and a Half Men." So far I won a glass eye, conflict diamonds, a shipping container full of "подростковые проститутки" whatever the hell that is, and some severed fingers- yuck!
(This is me with Poker legend Doyle Brunson. If I was ever gonna go gay for somebody it would be him)
Everyone here drinks way too much Vodka and then smacks hookers over the head with the empty bottles. I've seen some crazy shit in my time but even I'm starting to get a little nervous , and staring into Vitali Yulyachenko's empty eye socket makes me wish I had just let him win the hand.
Now I didn't come to Moscow to play poker all day -I be on a quest for truth after all- so I told my translator Boris2 to ask his contact Vitali what he knows about Boris1 getting killed by Bolognium in London. Unfortunately he was in his drink vodka-get naked-run around in circles phase so I just asked Vitali myself.
"So who killed that jerk in London? Was it really that Putin guy? Man is he scary."
When I said that it totally got quiet in there and I was like "Ya know Putin, he killed that guy right?" And than this big mongoloid looking guy with a huge scar on his face was all like "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" and totally ran screaming from the room. Everybody else was totally panicked even the middle-age hooker with a wooden leg! I didn't understand good why they was nervous so I was like: "I was totally told that somebody here, in this place, right now has evidence about who was behind the assassination."
And Vitali got all angry and was like "No nobody. Putin is very good President" which confused me because Boris2 told me that he was gonna be my contact and stuff so I was like "Vitali you're the one Boris2 told me knows who killed ..." and he said "Shut up, SHUT UP stupid American DICKHEAD!!!!"
And then the door to the place spontaneously combusted and stuff and all these dudes in ski masks run into the poker room and go straight for Vitali. I was like "Hey jerk, I'm talking to him" but the dude in the ski mask just whacks him over the head with his gun and says "He have heartattack" and I was like "No he didn't, you just whacked him in the head with your gun." Then he got all pissed and said "You want some too, stupid American dickhead?" And I was like "No" because I didn't.
After they had Vitali they just left and the place was empty except for fat naked passed out Boris2 and me. I was feeling really mad cuz I totally didn't get the info I needed and all I have to show for it is $300,000 in cash, a handful of conflict diamonds, my shipping container sitting on a dock in Vilnius with "подростковые проститутки" in it, two severed fingers, and a glass eye. I went to wake up Boris2 so we could get the hell outta here and I noticed that someone had written "Dmitri Popov knows" on Boris2's fat white ass. After seeing that I knew I must be getting close......
We've all seen the picture of John Kerry's lonely Christmas and I'm sure this has caused the esteemed Senator some major consternation. So in the spirit of the season we here at TDL NEWS decided to give John a little comfort by making the picture a little less awkward:
Just last week I created a little bit of a furor with my interpretation of Radley Balko's article in the November issue of Playboy. In the article Mr.Balko raised concerns about the expanding use of S.W.A.T teams by Police Departments across America. While Mr.Balko was the primary subject of the post, Playboy magazine, my longtime nemesis, was an equal target of my particular form of satirical venom.
One of my arguments was that Playboy had proven itself to be virulently hostile to and suspicious of the various Law Enforcement agencies throughout the U.S. Luckily for me I didn't have to wait long to further enforce my point. While last month's Playboy brought us Mr.Balko's wistful ideas on Policing this month brings us a wide-eyed and rambling piece by Jonathan Raban entitled "We're watching you" unfortunately Playboy doesn't post its Forum pieces on the web, but yeah it is exactly what it sounds like.
The main thrust of the article is that September 11th has given the governments of England and America an excuse to spy on helpless little you as you:
Tie your shoes
Pick your nose
Eat McDonald's
Stare at women's asses on the subway
For what possible purpose would any governmental agency want this footage? Mr.Raban argues that it is to establish some sort of virtual video prison for all us poor suckers. He even draws a parallel between the Stasi, East Germany's notorious secret Police, and the Police Departments who patrol our streets.
The glaring fault with this paranoid world view is rather easy to explain. You are irrelevant. Yes you reading this right now. This isn't meant to be an insult because I'm irrelevant too. We get up, we work, we argue, we hump each other or attempt to, and none of it matters. The government isn't spying on you and your phone isn't tapped, no matter how many Communists for Kerry or Free Mumia rallies you attend. The government is not going to send Black Helicopters to track every pathetic burp and pro Castro utterance you make, because you just aren't important enough to warrant the effort. Feel better? No these words probably make you feel small as opposed believing that "They" are watching you because they know, that you know, that they know, that you know. I hate to burst your bubble but you don't know shit, so take off the tinfoil hat and relax.
If we consider Mr.Raban's argument that our government is tyrannical in nature to be valid, than we must also assume that the people in charge of maintaining order in our society are equally as dangerous as those who seek to sow chaos in it. The idea of Law Enforcers using technology to entrap us in a virtual prison projects a lack of humanity upon them and the desire to do harm rather than protect and serve. Liberals use this high-minded notion of moral equivalence as a demonstration of their ability to rise above such plebeian concepts like good and evil. By stating that both sides fighting the War on Terror are analogous they get to avoid choosing allegiance to either. Rather than look like a tool of the "Corporation" by vocally supporting evil America, Liberals like Mr.Raban can assume the mantels of poor wounded philosopher with empathy for the downtrodden Arabs, and eulogizer of our civil liberties which we're apparently losing to the evil Fascist whoever.
Mr.Raban's reasoning is summed up in the final paragraph of his article:
"Somewhere-perhaps in a remote mountain village in the tribal territories between Pakistan and Afghanistan-a jihadist is smiling. Logged on to the internet via a satellite dish and portable electronic generator, he clicks from site to site-CNN, the BBC, The Washington Post. He sees our new urban architecture and street furniture: concrete blast shields, bollards, Jersey barriers, banks of CCTV cameras, BioWatch sniffers, razor wire, the security checkpoints and magnetometers in the lobbies of our buildings-the ubiquitous daily reminders that we should be afraid. He reads of the running feud between the Executive branch and the Judiciary; the obsession with domestic espionage, plots and plotters; the cloak-and-dagger secrecy of this "wartime" Presidency. It not unreasonably occurs to him that we ourselves are systematically unpicking, thread by thread, the delicate fabric of privacies and liberties that is the vital substance of liberal democracy-which is exactly what he and his cronies have been planning all along." The implication being if we ignore the threat of that terrorist in the cave, and not do everything we can to make it as difficult as possible for him to strike us again by using our rapidly advancing technology to our advantage, Al Qaeda will think we're retarded and leave us alone.
Mr.Raban and other anti-reality Liberal thinkers often accuse President Bush of spreading fear among the American people and using the resultant "fear of the other" to consolidate power. Since 9-11 Liberals have constantly been telling us that we live in fear, Mr.Raban states that we are "...not so much citizens as inmates..." in our societies. What's always been amazing to me is how little my life has actually changed since that day more than five years ago. I've flown, ridden the subway and train, and gone to major sporting events all completely without fear of terrorism or the unblinking eye of surveillance. This is largely because I'm not a big fat pussy, but it is also because, unlike Mr.Raban, I know the men of the FBI, CIA(God bless'em), NSA, NYPD and other agencies are not the Stasi, and they are at this very moment risking their lives to protect us all, not to enslave us in a "panopticon" as his delirious flight of anti-authoritarian fantasy supposes.
Presented as a 'draft' - it is lampooned with a series of scribbled notes poking fun at the whole PC concept taking itself waaaay too seriously.
Michael Fellows, of the Campaign Against Political Correctness, is delighted with the card. He said: 'When a heavyweight like the Commission for Racial Equality starts poking fun at political correctness you know things have gone too far.
Well in my humble opinion you dont need these guys to tell you that Michael.
'It appears that political correctness, which totally undermines British life, is now being wholeheartedly rejected and replaced by common sense.'
I wouldnt go so far yet. But Christmas is a time for hope. Or so I like to think.
Anyway. Someone somewhere in 'officialdom' seems to have developed a sense of humour.
Well here I'am stuck in stupid Russia while TDL NEWS is up for some super prestigious award. I called that jerk A.C #1 and told him I need to come home and go shopping so I would look good for the ceremony and he was all like "Charlie it isn't that type of thing and blah, blah, blah." Translation he wants all the glory for himself while I get to be stuck in Moscow like a moron.
I've been here covering the investigation of this Russian Spy who got killed by some poison Bolognium or something man I'll never look at a package of Oscar Mayer the same way after hearing about that. Anyway this Alexander Litvie...Litvinke...Litviqu...uh let's just call him Boris was totally in deep cover and knew lots of stuff like probably who was really behind 9-11 and junk. So there were loads of people who had reason to slip him a deadly Bolognium and cheese sandwich in London, ya know to get him outta the way of their evil plans.
When I was in London watching this guy Boris dying I met up with that old Lesbian with the hairlip from my time in Lesbanon. Her name is Chistina or something except she got a really funny accent and pronounces it "Cris-tea-yan" for some reason. She was going to Moscow and told me "Charles you must go to Moscow if you want to find out who killed Boris." and I was like "Moscow huh, never heard of it before, is it new or something." And she thought I was so funny. Anyway I like going to new places because I can add them to my upcoming memoir "Cities where I've boinked hot chicks."
The guy at the American Embassy in London was cool. He had to brief me before my trip to Moscow. He was all like "If you plan on having sex with a hooker in Russia make sure you use a condom, because they are total skanks. And if you don't have a condom make sure to use the backdoor so you don't get any hookers pregnant." At least that's how I heard what he said.
I've been in Moscow a while and banged like six hookers and my pecker hasn't fallen off yet so I ain't worried. As for the Boris mystery I've made some good progress. I not speak Russian good like I do American so I hired a fat Uzbek guy named Sasha Vityuch...Vitchuyi...Vichiy...let's just call him Boris2 to translate as I delve deeper into the underbelly of Russian spy crapola. I told Boris2 that I was investigating the death of Boris1 and he started to get all nervous. The old Lesbian with the hairlip told me to buy some Vodka at the duty free shop to bribe people so I handed him some Grey Goose L'Orange. When he saw that it was Grey Goose he got all pissed and kicked me in the balls and said he was calling upon the goats of his ancestors to curse me for insulting Mother Russia by giving him French Vodka. After he drank a couple of bottles he mellowed out for a while before stripping off his clothes, trashing my hotel room, running naked through the lobby and passing out in a big pile of snow out in the parking-lot.
(This is me and that jerk Boris2. He got naked and passed out right before some tourist took my picture)
When Boris2 woke up he was in a much better mood. I asked if he knew anybody who had information on the assassination of Boris1. He told me he knew a guy but it would be expensive. Unfortunately I only had $175,000 in cash on me. I asked Boris if it were enough and he was like "duh" he says "duh" alot I think he might be half-retarded or somethin'. We set out that night to meet his contact and man it was all Black Ops and shit. We hadda go through the back alleys of Moscow and yeah its as fucked up as it sounds, almost as bad as the Valley. After driving through Moscow for a while we come to this little shack next to a buncha warehouses I swear my meth dealer has nicer digs than this. We get to the door of the shack which for some reason is like a bank vault, Boris2 knocks and screams something in Russian which sounds like when you press rewind and fast-foward at the same time on a tape recorder. When we get inside I was totally surprised because it was like a Russian version of Celebrity Poker Tour or something, except there were a lot more guns, and a big fat guy cursing and slapping a hooker, and a guy curled up in the corner in the fetal position crying with a swastika carved into his forehead, but other than that it was totally the same. Boris2 introduced me to a guy with a glass eye named Vitali Yulyachenkskya. Hopefully whatever this guy knows will help me in my investigations.
TDL is proud to kick off the award season with this year's Tyrant of the Year award! Please cast your votes in the sidebar and keep watching for our announcement of the winner in a few weeks. The nominees, in alphabetical order:
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Age: 50 Years in Power: 1 Power Base: Iran
Highlights: The hands-down favorite for tyrannical rookie of the year. Ahmadinejad, Madhi to his friends, has rocketed to the top of the international heap with his fiery demeanor and ability to walk under camels without bending over. In just over one year he has turned Iran into the most feared nation in the world by supporting groups like Hizb’allah, Hamas and the Madhi army. He has quite a mad-on for Israel, talking regularly about ‘wiping the Zionists off the map’ while hosting several events that both deny and lionize the Nazi Holocaust. He has taken advantage of the disaster that is the international community to forge ahead with a nuclear weapons program. Madhi claims the program is ‘peaceful’ but no one outside of Turtle Bay and Jimmy Carter’s peanut farm believes him.
Outlook He’s had a very strong year, but voters are hesitant to give such a prestigious award to a rookie.
Hugo Chavez
Age: 52 Years in Power: 8 Power Base: Venezuela
Highlights: Where to start with Hugo? In just one year he called President Bush “El Diablo” at the podium of the United Nations, attempted to use his nation’s vast oil wealth to bribe his way onto the UN Security Council, and threatened to seize Venezuela’s foreign controlled oil fields. Chavez has begun a policy of ‘Mission Miranda’, the arming and training of the populace to repel the supposedly imminent American invasion. However he is yet to give most of those same people clean drinking water and open Internet access. Chavez also attempted to directly influence the elections of neighboring countries by offering heavily discounted oil to areas that supported his socialist cohorts.
Outlook Hugo had a big year, but the complete lack of violence leaves a big hole in his candidacy
Kim Jong-Il
Age: 65 Years in Power: 12 Power Base: North Korea
Highlights: Philosophers claim that there is a thin line between genius and madness. Well in this case there is a thin line between madness and howling at the moon, top shelf, restaurant quality crazy. Kim Jong-Il, president of the ironically named People’s Democratic Republic of (North) Korea had some year. He still encourages his people to eat grass, since no other food exists in the countryside. He still kidnaps Asian filmmakers to help make his movies. He still exiles the infirm and those suspected of disloyalty from the major cities. He still drafts girls as young as 9 into his ‘Joy Brigade’ harem. But this year he managed to do the impossible and top himself. How? By testing a new ICBM and a nuclear weapon. The fact that both tests were failures doesn’t change the fact that this nut job announced to the world that he has, or will soon have, both a nuke and the means to deliver it to his enemies. What was the international community’s reaction to Dear Leader having The Bomb? Why a sternly worded letter of course!
Outlook: The early betting favorite.
Robert Mugabe
Age: 82 Years in Power: 26 Power Base: Zimbabwe
Highlights: One of the longest reigning heads of state Mugabe has presided over Zimbabwe’s complete collapse. How bad is it? The average life expectancy in 1980, when Mugabe took power, was 55 years. It is now 37 years, fifth lowest on Earth. His policies of seizing working farmland from whites and giving it to cronies who don’t know how to farm continues unabated, resulting in vast famine throughout the country. He also continued Operation Drive Out Trash, a policy of bulldozing urban areas that he claims are slums, but are actually opposition strongholds. Mugabe is basically a real life version of the tin pot African dictators that Stallone, Norris and Schwarzenegger used to fight in 80’s action movies, his friends and supporters live tremendously lavish lifestyles, every other Zimbabwean lives in a shit pile
Outlook: Although a sure fire hall of famer, 2006 wasn't his best year.
Saparmurat Niyazov
Age: 66 Years in Power: 21 Power Base: Turkmenistan
Highlights: One of the lesser known global tyrants Niyazov is nonetheless an old favorite here at TDL. Our other nominees get a lot more press than ole ‘Turkmenbashi’, but they can’t hold a candle to the sheer wackiness that is the President of Turkmenistan. In past years Niyazov forced physicians to swear an oath to him instead of the Hippocratic oath, closed all hospitals outside of the capital and fired government ministers on live television broadcasts. While not as prolific this year he still managed to come up with some…interesting decrees.
He has banned all video games.
He cut over a third of the nations pensions, resulting in the deaths of hundreds of elderly pensioners.
He cut the salaries of teachers that do not write newspaper articles extolling his achievements and the glory of The Rukhnama, a spiritual primer he wrote.
He claimed that he interceded with Allah and that any schoolchildren that read the Rukhnama three times will automatically get into paradise.
Outlook: While no other candidate can match Niyazov’s bat-shit insanity, he may not have done enough to push himself to the head of the pack.
Vladimir Putin
Age: 54 Years in Power: 6 Power Base: Russia
Highlights: The former head of the KGB had a resurgent year. In addition to supporting terrorist enabling states such as Iran the Russian President has resumed some old habits including the of poisoning opponents and threatening neighboring countries that elect anti-Russian legislators. Old Vlad also had a banner year in the ‘supporting genocidal terrorists’ category, joining with China to completely block efforts to keep nuclear weapons out of the hands of the lunatics in North Korea and Iran. He’s also had a strong year domestically including the arrests of several more political opponents on ‘corruption’ charges and the continued stranglehold over all media. There was also that bizarre belly-kissing incident, which may have pushed him from ‘tyrant’ to ‘borderline skin-eating whack job’.
Outlook: A steady performer having a breakout year.
TDL RELIGION AND ETHICS: A VERY GRAND IMAM ABU HAKMED MAHMOOD AL HAJ HOLIDAY
By Grand Imam Abu Hakmed Mahmood Al Haj
Good evening, and may the Prophet (peace be upon him) be with you.
You know, this time of year, when infidels gather together to celebrate holiday, your Muslim friends all know it is a time of joyous holiday cheer and cheerful holiday joy.
Thusforth, and in light of the infidel Pope Benedict's official submission to dhimmi status while visiting Turkey, I would like to extend to you some of the very best recipies of the Al Haj household for you to enjoy when you spend time with your infidel family. May you holiday be a blessed one, until such time as I posses your womenfolk by my right hand!
Inside bucket, mix chlorine bleach with ammonia and stir well. Place upon heat source on low heat until it begins to evaporate. Inhale deeply.
"Holiday Roast Beef"
Ingredients: 1 lb. C4 explosives 1 set of wires, color coded for positive and negative 1 belt full of nails, screws, jagged metal, or buckshot 1 small digital alarm clock
Directions:
Place C4 around inside of belt, making sure to secure it properly. Remove backplate from digital alarm clock and reserve. Attach wires from alarm clock to C4, using red to conotate positive and black to conotate negative. Fill outside of belt with nails, screws, jagged metal chunks, or buckshot. Set clock timer to three minutes, and then walk into family room and sit with family. Say 'Allah Akbar'.
"Egg Nog"
Ingredients:
100 lbs. Ammonium Nitrate Fertilizer 1 can catalyst/accelerant 1 U-Haul Van. If U-Haul Not avalible, Ryder may be substituted. 1 small digital alarm clock
Directions:
Open rear of U-haul van. Carefully incorporate 100 lbs. of Ammonium Nitrate Fertilzer until fully utilized. Open backplate of digital alarm clock and reserve. Attach digital clock to catalyst, being careful not to set off catalyst with any unwanted sparks or cigarette ashes. Attach clock/catalyst mixture to fertilizer. Set digital clock timer to :30 minutes. Drive to nearest government property or church within 30 minutes radius. At :29 minutes, say 'Allah Akbar'.
I truly hope you all try my Al Haj family receipes this holiday season. I exend these family treasures to you in the spirit of peace and brotherhood, in that you may all learn the true meaning of Islam and the Prophet (peace be upon him).
Since my piece struck a nerve I feel some clarification is necessary. We here at TDL NEWS are all about solutions so rather than engaging in the typical, petty, and boring, bullshit that goes along with blogging I came up with this:
Every four years, corresponding with Presidential elections, voters decide whether or not they want a continued Police presence in their community. If the voters select Yes nothing changes. If the voters select No, those undesired Police resources are redistributed to the neighborhoods that voted Yes, at which point the neighborhoods where No prevails become French style Police no-go zones for the following four years. The vote would require a simple majority of 50.1% to pass. Fire and Paramedic resources would remain available to all No-go communities, though I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for them to show up.
As for all this Libertarian stuff, I bet it is a lot easier to be Libertarian about drugs in Alexandria (which is a beautiful city by the way) than it would be in Bed-Stuy, or the where I grew up. Plenty of Libertarians never lived in SE Queens when crack hit in the 90's, plenty of people look back fondly at the pre-Giuliani Gestapo days of NYC when there were nearly 2300 murders a year.
The fact is desiring to live in a naive soft-headed Libertarian world without Police, speed limits, or reality is easy. Proclaiming such a world possible is easy as well because it will never happen. I understand that pretending to have solidarity with Mumia, Hugo Chavez, or whoever the fuck, makes you look all sensitive and deep when trying to pick up some tight Berkley trim, but you know deep down the Police, FBI, and the rest will still protect you no matter how much you say that you don't want them to.
TDL OPINION: "IF THERE WEREN'T ANY POLICE THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY CRIMINALS" AND OTHER LEFTY TRUISMS.
By: A.C #1
First the reasoning: Leftists hate the police and all law enforcement officers for one major reason- being a Police Officer is a manly job.
It's pretty much that simple. Most cops are male, straight, white, and tough; all things which disgust the average liberal to the core. Liberals love to hide away from reality in a theoretical world in which mankind, excuse me, 'womynkind' is peaceful and attuned to the cycles of the Earth Mother while also being devoid of any violent predilection. Conversely, Police officers operate daily in the scary environments that these cowardly liberals are seeking to avoid.
This "reasoning" has an overarching theme: Police and the prisons into which criminals are confined have become barriers to womynkind's spiritual enlightenment and in themselves self-fulling prophecies eg., someone sees a Cop and feels oppressed, this feeling of oppression leads to lack of self-confidence, which leads to getting it crunk in da hood and being sent to prison.
It was this "logic" which, I assume, fueled an article by Radley Balko in the November issue of Playboy Magazine. Now you probably remember that for the last few years I've been punished with a free subscription to Playboy. Though the magazine has the good and noble purpose of providing high quality poon to the public, the porn-worthiness of this rag has been overtaken by the wave of naive liberal sentiment that is spews forth from every page. Obviously since Playboy is a porno magazine it will naturally have "progressive" tendencies as its major opponents will be stuffy conservative Republican Christian types, but since the main selling point is pictures of naked women, its major consumers will be men.
Which is why the anti-man sentiment in the magazine is so perplexing.
Article after article praises "alternative" lifestyles and insult masculine traits. Such is the case with the article by Mr. Balko which accuses American police departments of increasingly using "...paramilitary tactics..." against poor innocent criminals.
While Mr. Balko sits safely in his tony Upper West Side of Manhattan digs puffing on some thai and bemoaning the plight of those persecuted by the gestapo Police SWAT teams to the members of his Mulatto studies literature club, the very men he defames are ensuring the continuance of his existence through their thankless work- protecting the good people of this country from the barbarians within our gates.
In the article Mr. Balko uses a grand total of six examples of SWAT raids that resulted in deaths instead of arrests between the years of 2001 and 2006. He also cites the incredible rise of the use of SWAT teams, 1300% since 1980, stating that on average SWAT teams are used 110 times a day. Given the rise in SWAT action, the real story should be the lack of examples Mr. Balko is able to present in this article to prove his claims that "We the people" are under siege by the menace of "paramilitary" police units.
What anti-cop liberals want from Police Departments is perfection. What the real world offers is a lot messier. Most people will never be members of a law enforcement agency and therefore they will never experience the stress that goes along with it. This disconnect is clearly exemplified by the strum und drang following the recent shooting death of Sean Bell in Queens last week.
In reaction to the murders of two suburban teenagers, who were illegally partying at Manhattan nightclubs, the NYPD set up a task force to control the late night club scene throughout the City. This task force was staking out a strip joint in Queens where various illicit activities were suspected of taking place. The officers allegedly observed someone with a gun in a group of young men leaving the club, and this group included Sean Bell. After the group entered a car and attempted to leave, an undercover officer confronted them. The driver of the car floored it and rammed the officer.
The question is what would you do in this situation? I would have done what the officer did- try to stop the car from killing me by killing the driver, who turned out to be Mr. Bell. To many in New York City's black community and their allies in the ACLU, the thought of a police officer acting in self-defense is too much to bear and the ensuing days since the shooting have seen much anti-cop rhetoric culminating in a march this past Saturday featuring the combined talents of the Bloods, Crips, and New Black Panther Party. That roster of march attendees should demonstrate to any reasonable person which side is in the right. But to men like Mr. Balko, the police can never be right enough.
Polly Toynbee is the kind of left wing journalist that epitomizes what’s wrong with socialism and all the hypocrisy and rubbish that goes with it. Landed gentry herself, she sees nothing wrong in dishing out worldly liberal advice on how to tax the minions to support those ‘more worthy’ from the comfortable confines of her squillion pound** Victorian property somewhere in one of London’s richest boroughs; 'Nice!' As Borat would say.
Much like my Labour MP who talks of how ‘disgusted’ and ‘outraged’ she is that people are on a waiting list for council property in Islington as she shuffles home every night to a quarter of a million pound** property in the same area, safe in the knowledge that she has paid lip service to the whole issue on behalf of those she should, whilst conveniently ignoring the likes of me; white, middle class, priced out of the market & unable to get on the property ladder but unworthy of a mention in the current housing issues because my name isn’t Miss Umbongo and I haven’t written a 4 page bullshit letter for the Home Office on how I tunneled my way out of Umbongoland, crossed twelve perfectly good countries offering asylum, ignored all of them and landed in the UK.
Nor do I have 3 kids by 3 different fathers, an acquired drug habit and the obligatory low paid menial job. And I don’t need a ramp to access any property so no one feels sorry for moi. No I made the mistake of trying to get a job and pay my taxes thereby turning myself into a profitable bovine for the likes of my Labour MP and her voice piece Polly under the present government in the UK.
When I read her articles, I imagine Polly up there much like a school teacher recommending the rest of us be taxed down to the last penny to provide for whatever scheme she might dream up, whilst she sips champagne and considers another trip out to her second property in Italy. Odd really that someone who writes for a paper in terminal decline should be afforded such notoriety or that a journalist in this country can be called upon to help mould the social policies of the nation. It’s odd even that US blog opinion on Britain and Britons at large is derived from mostly the same opinion pieces in the same paper. What is it with this paper? And why would the Tories want to start courting it/her? This piece by Tory MP Boris Johnson goes beyond merely cleverly lambasting his party’s own sillyness, at her expense. It is also an incredibly accurate take on socialists in general, and how much we hate them.
"In so far as New Labour has a fairy godmother, Polly is the girl. She incarnates all the nannying, high-taxing, high-spending schoolmarminess of Blair's Britain. She is the defender and friend of everyone whose non-job has ever been advertised in the Guardian appointments page, every gay and lesbian outreach worker, every clipboard-toter and pen-pusher and form-filler whose function has been generated by mindless regulation. Polly is the high priestess of our paranoid, mollycoddled*, risk-averse, air-bagged, booster-seated culture of political correctness and 'elf 'n' safety fascism. In an ideal Polly Toynbee world, private sector broadcasting would be banned, Rupert Murdoch would be nationalized, and the BBC would hire thousands more taxpayer-funded social affairs correspondents to psalm the benefits of social democracy..."
