THE GREAT 'AMERICAN' BOYCOTT of 2006

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Pro-immigration activists say a national boycott and marches planned for May 1 will flood America's streets with millions of Latinos to demand amnesty for illegal immigrants and shake the ground under Congress as it debates reform.

Um, excuse me.... WHO THE FUCK ARE THEY TO 'DEMAND' AMNESTY? Amnesty is a gift, not a right.

Such a massive turnout could make for the largest protests since the civil rights era of the 1960s, though not all Latinos were comfortable with such militancy, fearing a backlash in Middle America.

"Middle America"??? How about the rest of this country, which is growing sick and tired of having 'demands' heaped upon it by people who are technically, um, lawbreakers.

"There will be 2 to 3 million people hitting the streets in Los Angeles alone. We're going to close down Los Angeles, Chicago, New York, Tucson, Phoenix, Fresno," said Jorge Rodriguez, a union official who helped organize earlier rallies credited with rattling Congress as it weighs the issue.

You close down our cities, guy, go right ahead. You're already starting to lose this public relations war. This will be a disaster for you. I ought to go to this rally and hand out Mexican, Puerto Rican, Dominican, and Salvidorian flags. Maybe a few Che Guevarra flags will add to your image....After all, it wasn't by coincidence that you chose the grand communist holiday for the date of your march.

Immigration has split Congress, the Republican Party and public opinion. Conservatives want the estimated 12 million illegal immigrants returned to Mexico and a fence built along the border. Others, including President George W. Bush, want a guest-worker program and a path to citizenship. Most agree some reform is needed to stem the flow of poor to the world's biggest economy.

The real issue here is politics. Niether the Republicans nor the Democrats give a damn about the will of the public, which is strongly against amnesty and strongly for ending this flood of illegals.

Bush's goal is twofold: 1) to continue the cheap supply of undocumented labor for big business here in America; and 2) to not 'alienate' an ethnic group which might one day outpopulate the White vote. Of course, this is a self-fulfilling prophecy since, if we don't try to stop illegal immigration, Mexicans will outnumber everyone else.

As for the Dems, all they can think about is the huge population of new Democrat voters they stand to inherit. The Dems have forsaken their labor union backers, and have made a complete mockery of their so called opposition to 'outsourcing'. After all, why would you need to send work to the third world when you can bring the third world here?

"We want full amnesty, full legalization for anybody who is here (illegally)," Rodriguez said. "That is the message that is going to be played out across the country on May 1."

What kind of person enters his neighbor's house uninvited, sits at his neighbor's dinner table, and then demands to be made part of his neighbor's family??

The issue here is not immigration or Hispanics (though the many of this march's organizers would like to turn this into an issue of 'racism' or xenophobia); rather, the issue is whether the United States is still a soverign country, since soverign countries by definition have the right to control who is a citizen and who is not. Illegal immigration is fast becoming a direct challenge to our national integrity.

Organizers have timed the action for May Day, a date when workers around the world often march for improved conditions, and have strong support from big labor and the Roman Catholic church.

In other words, extreme atheist Hispanic leftists have organized this protest to coencide with a Marxist holiday. The Catholic church is such a bunch of fucking dopes sometimes.

They vow that America's major cities will grind to a halt and its economy will stagger as Latinos walk off their jobs and skip school.

Yeah, skip school so you can be a grass cutter or chicken processing plant worker like your mother or father. Does anyone else see the irony in that Americans have been gracious enough to pay for illegals and their kids to go to school yet they intend to hurt us by walking out of class??? Here's an idea- walk out of class and straight back to Mexico and go to school there. How obnoxious!

Besides, herein lies an opportunity: If all illegals walk of their jobs Monday and its no big deal, then we know their impact on the economy is overstated.

In California on Thursday, the state senate passed a resolution recognizing "The Great American Boycott of 2006," saying it would educate the United States about the contributions made by immigrants. The measure passed 24-13 along party lines with dissenting Republicans arguing that it sanctioned lawbreaking and encouraged children to skip school.

Note how the California legislature's resolution refers to 'immigrants' and not 'illegal immigrants'. Tell me, just who is against legal immigration?

Teachers' unions in major cities have said children should not be punished for walking out of class. Los Angeles school officials said principals had been told that they should allow students to leave but walk with them to help keep order. In Chicago, Catholic priests have helped organize protests, sending information to all 375 parishes in the archdiocese.

I wonder- will the illegals boycott using the hospital emergency rooms as their primary care facilities when they get sick? That's it, California, bend over and spread 'em.

CRITICS CHARGE INTIMIDATION

Critics accuse pro-immigrant leaders of bullying Congress and stirring up uninformed young Latinos by telling them that their parents were in imminent danger of being deported.

Um, you mean pro ILLEGAL immigrant leaders, don't you? These people wouldn't use intimidation and exaggeration, would they?

"It's intimidation when a million people march down main streets in our major cities under the Mexican flag," said Jim Gilchrist, founder of the Minuteman volunteer border patrol group. "This will backfire," he said.

We think so too.

Some Latinos have also expressed concerns that the boycott and marches could stir up anti-immigrant sentiment.

Yep. Sadly, that's where this is headed.

Cardinal Roger Mahony of the Los Angeles archdiocese, an outspoken champion of immigrant rights, has lobbied against a walkout. "Go to work, go to school, and then join thousands of us at a major rally afterward," Mahony said.

The Catholic Church needs to stop playing politics. It is worried that the new wave of illegal immigrants are turning to evangelical and protestant churches, so now its attempting to recast itself as champion of the Mexicans. Guess what- over the last 2,000 years, every time the Church becomes too involved in worldly politics the result is a disaster...or does anyone need to be reminded of indulgences and the protestant revolt?

And Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, who has long fought for immigrant rights, has said he expects protesters to be "lawful and respectful" and children to stay in school.

You mean "who has long fought for illegal immigrant amnesty", dont you?

In Washington on Thursday, immigrant-rights activists brushed off talk of a backlash.

"This is going to be really big. We're going to have millions of people," said Juan Jose Gutierrez, director of the Latino Movement USA. "We are not concerned at all. We believe it's possible for Congress to get the message that the time to act is now."

Translation: "We don't give a flying fuck what the American public thinks because we know that Congress will not act to stop us. We have found an issue that unites people who speak Spanish or Portuguese (that aren't from Spain or Portugal) into an artificial racial victim group and we stand to benefit from it, since we are the group of Washington lobbyists who have organized this show of force. Dis country is like a great big pussy, just waiting to get fucked"



Above: 'Great American Boycott' organizer Juan Jose Gutierrez.

THE DICK LIST CELEBRATES IMMIGRATION: EASTERN EUROPE

ATTENTION: THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS GRADE A DICK LIST CERTIFIED DIVERSITY. NOT WORK FRIENDLY.


I love Eastern Europe. In America I live a pretty comfortable life but in Eastern Europe I would be the Pope and Bonnie Prince Charlie combined ...and the women are so freakin' hot!

The first time I saw "Anal Hookers from Prague" I was hooked on Euro porn sluts. There is just something superhot about a bitch saying "How vould you llike me to help you suck your cock" in broken English.



Also, a plus with the women of 'New Europe' is that they are desperate to get to the States and desperation is the ultimate aphrodesiac.

"J-DIA"

A.C.# 1



For this post I would like all our faithful readers to imagine this blog with a different name: “The Cunt List.”

I love America. I think it is probably the only country on earth to ever come up with a system of governance that, such as it is, makes relative sense. However, no love is absolute; there will always be things you hate about the things you love.

This is one of the things I really hate about America.

For non-New Yorkers, “J-Dia” was a dilettante drug dealer dubbed the “pot princess” by the NY Post celeb finger-fuckers division. Julia Diaco is her real name and she sold large quantities of cocaine, marijuana, and LSD to an undercover NYPD officer from her dorm room in NYU’s Ivory Tower.

So why do I hate her so much that it feels like all the atoms that comprise my body are about to speed up to the point that I turn into a walking fusion reactor?

1. The Celebretard aspect: If I had shamed my family by dealing drugs from my exclusive, highly expensive university dorm room, I probably would change schools to someplace in the mid-west and try to avoid further embarrassment. Not Miss Diaco! She thinks becoming a less wealthy version of Paris Hilton is the way to go. Apparently to her, pretending to sing and posing half naked is the proper response to such dismal behavior. I love it when the wealthy behave as poorly as the gutter trash they so deride.

2. Punishment to fit the crime: I am white, have no priors, and have a family that would probably hire a fairly good attorney for my defense and yet I’ am confident that I would have gone to jail had I committed the same crimes. Miss Diaco is rich, white, and attractive hence a slap on the wrist. I hate to sound like I’m from the Peoples Republic of Berkeley California but if she were black she’d still be in jail. To me criminals are criminals I wish the justice system saw it my way and cunts like her did not benefit from a double standard. Dream on.

TLA:
Good call, AC#1. When I saw this little twat in the paper I wanted to hurl. Only in America can being spolied and utterly devoid of class qualify one for celebrity status and public adulation. Its pretty clear this girl needs to be held in the strong, loving arms of La'Quanda at Rikers for a year or so.

And one more thing- how the fuck did this whore get into NYU? She obviously isnt the sharpest tool in the shed if the best nickname she could come up with is "J-Dia". What about "The Coke Joke" or "Notorious H.I.V."?

THE IRAQ WAR BY THE NUMBERS

Seth MacFarlane, creator of the the Fox animated series Family Guy, recently appeared before a crowd at California's Stanford University. The following is an excerpt from the Stanford Daily:

Facing questions from attendees asking him to reenact voices of popular characters, look at their prospective scripts or hire them as summer interns, [Seth] MacFarlane displayed his comedic wit when asked by a fan simply to insult him.

“You want me to insult you?” MacFarlane quipped. “OK, you supported the war in Iraq,” he said to raucous applause.

Hmmmm....does Mr. MacFarlane have manatees writing his insults as well?

His lame attempt to appease a hard left audience aside, we here at TDL nonetheless feel the need to rebut Mr. MacFarlane's ignorant defeatism with cold hard fact.

Question: Is one who supported the Iraq War misguided to the point of being funny?

Answer: The Iraq War is not only not a disaster, but is in fact one of the least dangerous and most effective major military operation in human history.

Fact: As of today, the USA has lost 2,389 Killed in Action since the start of the Iraq War in 2003. That is an average of 800 soldiers per year.

Fact: 43,200 Americans were killed in Auto Accidents in 2005. 42,636 Americans were killed in Auto Crashes in 2004. Roughly 129,000 Americans have been killed in Auto Accidents since the start of the Iraq War. There are 120,000 American troops stationed in Iraq today.
http://articles.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20060421073709990037&_ccc=2&cid=842

Fact: Every year, around 1,600 Americans die from falling down stairs or steps. Since the start of the war in Iraq, roughly 4,800 Americans have been killed by staircases.

Fact: Every year, around 3,500 Americans drown. Roughly 1,000 of these deaths occur in swimming pools and bath tubs. 3,000 Americans have died as a result of drowning in a pool, jacuzzi, or bathtub since Iraq was invaded in 2003.

Fact: Around 1,200 Americans die of exposure to excessive heat or cold each year.

Fact: Roughly 17,500 Americans die of accidental poisoning each year. 52,500 Americans have accidentally been poisoned to death since April, 2003.

Now then, let's look at some of history's greatest generals and military operations:

Fact: In perhaps his most complete victory of the U.S. Civil War, General Robert E. Lee lost 1,260 men killed or missing over a 4 day period at the battle of Fredricksburg.

Fact: Napoleon lost 1,288 men killed in action during one day at Austerlitz. Austerlitz is widely regarded by military historians as Napoleon's most brilliant victory.

Fact: In perhaps the greatest military victory of all time, Alexander the Great lost 800 men in one day at the Battle of Issus in 333 B.C.

Fact: In what might also be considered the most briliant victory of all time, Hannibal lost 16,700 men killed in action in a single afternoon at Cannae in 216 BC.

Fact: At the battle of Pharsalus on August 9, 49 B.C., Julius Caesar defeated Pompey to become master of the known world. He lost around 1,200 men killed in action.

Fact: In 1940, the Nazis swept through France and conquered the entire nation in little more than a month. The Germans lost 27,000 men killed in action and another 18,000 missing.

Fact: In 1945, the Russians subdued Berlin to defeat Nazi Germany. In less than one month, Russia suffered 81,000 men killed in action.

CONCLUSION: The notion that the war in Iraq is a military disaster is utterly laughable. It is unsupported in any sort of objective reality, and anyone who holds such an opinion betrays an ignorance that can only have been fueled by media sensationalism.

The facts are quite clear: roughly 53 times the amount of people killed in Iraq per year are killed by auto crashes. Twice the amount of people are killed falling down stairs. More people drown in thier bathtubs than we lose in Iraq per year!

Furthermore, I have named 7 of the greatest military operations in world history and each has had a much higher death rate than that of the Iraq war. The one with the least amount of deaths- Alexander the Great's history altering victory over the Persians at Issus- featured the same amount of Macedonians killed in one afternoon than Americans are killed in Iraq in an entire year (and in all likelyhood, the Macedonians lost many more than 800 men that day although the historical record is hazy).

Clearly the war in Iraq is a marvel of modern American technology, military prowess, and medical knowhow. We have subdued and held a hostile muslim nation of 22 million for 3 years on the other side of the world with a force 183 times smaller (all while maintaining a large military presence in South Korea, Europe, and in North America). Saddam required an army of 1 million to hold Iraq. Iran suffered nearly 1 million casualties trying to defeat Iraq.

So this question begs to be asked: Why are we so down about the Iraq war? It would be hard to imagine it going any better. Iraq is Islam's last hope. If Iraq cannot handle democracy, we will know for certain that Muslims are incapable of democracy and our stance must change from one of assistance to one of confrontation. The future of a billion people is riding on Iraq and our media has misled the public into beleiving one of world history's greatest military operations is a failure and a disaster.

America desperately needs perspective.

THE FOLLOWING IS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT:

In this time of badness come see the Grory of China!!

Herro I am Chineee Plesident Hu Jintao inviting all evil American capitarist to come see the big good wonders of the world true superpower.

You will be amazed by the rincredible economic growth.

(China definitely is experiencing quite a boom these days. China’s recently released GDP numbers actually outstripped the projections coming in at 10.2%. This means China is now the forth largest economy in the world. Don’t expect it to stay that way for very long, however, as China will be the second sooner rather than later. How has China become so prosperous so fast? Easy! it operates completely without regard for rules and regulations passed by the so-called “International Community.” The Chinese have indeed begun to open up to Western ideas in terms of economic liberalization but they also maintain their totalitarian iron fist. As much as liberals like to praise Communism, the reality of the situation for peasants in China is crushing poverty. The Chinese Communist Party is swallowing up houses and farms as its appetite for development grows and the displaced are left without recourse living in shantytowns around the Ministry of Petitions hoping to have their grievances addressed.)

Come see the Grory of Chineee culture; its much good better than filthy American pig-nation

(Actually Chinese culture was practically destroyed by the CCP during Mao’s cultural revolution with ancient architecture neglected or dismantled. When American and European tourists started showing up at the Great Wall, the CCP started to see the potential in embracing its heritage. Modern Chinese culture does not exist. China is the largest violater of Intellectual Property Rights in the world. If you want to get low on knock off oxycontin, watch a blurry version of Ice Age 2, and listen to a bootleg Kelly Clarkson album, China is the place for you.)

China is grorious happy sunshine. Unrike America there is no crime or exploitation of hard working China superman.

(They’ve got me there. Officially there is no crime in China. One of the many benefits of Chinese Communism is its absolutism. Of course anywhere there are people there will be criminals but the CCP can deny their existence. The key to the power of Hu Jintao’s CCP is its secrecy and the West's acceptance of its abysmal behavior. For workers in China, in a Communist system everyone is equally replaceable. You work as long as the party says you do, you live where the party says you live. If you refuse to obey there are no courts to offer satisfaction. The alternative to acceptance of CCP dictums is medieval style combat with government-financed militias. Liberal elites in the Western media praise the CCP and the social welfare states it runs with free health care and schooling but what good is free schooling without free thought?)

In evil America people rape donkeys for funness. In grorious China the people sing, dance and march of their own free will. You has been convinced by my words of strength. Do as you are told and come visit China.

Most Honorable Ruler,

Hu Jintao

CHARLIE SHEEN INVESTIGATES: THE IRANIAN MILITARY BUILDUP

By: A.C #3 (Charlie Sheen)


I saw on T.V the other day about these new super-secret weapons Iran has developed. Did ya see that stealth flying boat? Man they could land that thing in my Olympic sized swimming pool and nuke me and I wouldn’t even know it. Seeing that stuff really got me scared to the point that I gotta wear a pair of Depends on my drive down from Malibu to the set of my hit show “Two and a Half Men.”

This reminds me of those times when you’re wife says she’s pregnant and wants to keep it this time and at the same time you realize that she’s not as hot as she used to be definitely not as hot as your new Guatemalan house keeper now that is scary shit and all this has me real nervous. I had no choice but to consult my spiritual advisor down at the drive-thru Kabbalah place on Pico. He was like “Charlie you gotta remember that the universe is one and stuff.” That’s when it hit me. It was up to me to expose the truth of Iran’s military plans so I got on my new celly it’s the ultra thin Razor 5,it isn’t even available to the public yet, and called The List Administrator with my idea and he was like “Charlie you is even smarter than I remember.”

I figure I’d start with what the Iranian Military has to say and since I’m a big star I got my agent to get me a sit down with the Defense Minister Mustafa somethin’ or other. He said stuff like about how Iran’s Military budget is like eleventy-gagillion dollars, and how they got tanks that will blow ours up, and planes with missiles, and helicopters, and he said Iran could destroy the Zionist American Military without suffering a single causality all because some dude named Allan or somethin’ wills it to be so. It’s good I wore Depends because I had to wet my pants a couple times, that’s called being “forward thinking.”

As scared and smelly as I was I knew I only had one choice, keep digging. So I met this Iranian guy I know named Manuel. He kept saying he wasn’t Iranian but he sure looked Iranian to me and after I followed him around for a few days he finally cracked and gave me this damning evidence. Manuel obtained this super-duper secret photo’s from the Iranian Inteligence Service.

A rogue female scientist:



Has helped Iran to create an invisible fighter jet:



After seein’ this I knew it was up to me to do something. So I packed my diapers and am off to Iran for some Black-ops, James Bond shit. I don’t know if I’ll make it back alive but if I do The Dick List will publish my heroics, Big Time!!!!

DIVERSITY PICTURES PRESENTS: POL POT

By: Number 2

In the grand tradition of such socially important films as The Motorcycle Diaries, Oliver Stone's Comandante, and The Wild & Wacky Adventures of Papa-Doc Duvalier, The Dick List Filmed Entertainment, in association with Steven Spielberg's Diversity Pictures, is proud to present:

POL POT - Visionary Leader, or Leading Visionary?

The story of the social juggernaut known as Pol Pot begins in the poor Indo-Chinese province of Phucyk Hu (present day Kompong Thom). Born Ho Suk, Pot was recognized at an early age as a musical prodigy on the roneat, a form of bamboo xylophone that is played with the femurs of vanquished foes. After graduating from High School at 28, Pol Pot journeyed to Paris, where he first glimpsed the shining light that is the Communist Party. After several years spent swilling Absinthe and chasing women with hairy armpits, Pot returned to his homeland, armed with the latest in Communist theory and a really bitching recipe for Peasant Bourguignonne.

The Cast of Pol Pot

Pot quickly climbed the ranks of the Communist Party of Kampuchea thru his innovative method of Bloodless Coup (all smotherings). The CPK would be renamed the Khmer Rouge,which is Cambodian for the swollen red anus of the Donkey-wife. The Khmer Rouge eventually succeeded in seizing control of Cambodia, thus setting the stage for Pol Pot's visionary reform package.

These reforms included:
· Radical re-agrification: the forcible evacuation of all cities and towns to rural famlands, since indoor plumbing is a tool of the capitalist pigs.
· Free post-emptive abortions for all, an entitlement nearly 20% of the populace would embrace.
· Prison reform. Inmates were shackled together, forced to dig mass graves which they were then deposited in after being beaten to death with their own shovels. The newfound environmentalism in Cambodia dictated that 'Bullets are not to be wasted' on executions.
· Streamlining the criminal justice system by making the inmates torture one another instead of having an examiner see each prisoner individually.
· The abolotion of the tools of capitalism, including televisions, radios, lightbulbs, soap and shoes.

But eventually, like all socially just heroes, Pol Pot incurred the wrath of the vile Military-Industrial Complex when his peaceful utopia was invaded by the Vietnamese. Pol Pot fought the good fight for as long as possible, but eventually succumbed to the Capitalist dogs from Vietnam. Although the 'media' reported him dead in 1998, the natives of Cambodia still claim that on a sunny day the wind will sing the name -Pol Pot.

DEATH AND DA HARLEM RENASANZ

By: A.C #1

Did you ever see the movie “Grizzly Man?” It’s a brilliant documentary from filmmaker Werner Herzog. The movie is about a nut environmentalist who travels to Alaska every summer to protect the grizzly bears from poachers. (You would think that being twelve feet tall and seven hundred pounds would be enough protection). He treats the bears as childlike creatures that are beset on all sides by various insidious antagonists including the United States Park Service. He believed that his attempts to understand and commune with the grizzlies would make them deviate from their instincts and not eat him. Well eventually they did eat him alive, poor bastard.

What does this have to do with Hizzarlum and the death of John Hehman? Plenty. Unlike most White people in this country I actually grew up around Black people. I don’t mean incidental contact that your average rich Manhattanite has with Black people. I grew up, and still live, in da’ hood. What have I learned about Black people from living with them? They are not exceptional; they are just like everyone else, some are good, and some are bad.

Being a conservative in NYC I tend to stay clear of the daily machinations of the city. NYC walks a thin line between the recent success of the Giuliani (praise be unto him) and Bloomberg Administrations and a return to the chaos of the 1990’s. Sometime in the near future a Democrat will win back the Mayors Office at which point: the NYPD budget gets slashed, welfare restrictions will be relaxed, and drug dealers will once again be the new city planners. Until that day we will have culture clash situations like Da Hurlem Renasanz in which rich, white, liberal Manhattanites move into formerly depressed communities and fail to understand the reality that surrounds them.

Hurlem is the new “it” neighborhood for rich college kids and yuppies. John Hehman was an N.Y.U student, his father a rich Wall Street big shot. April 1^st John Hehman was coming out of a subway station on 125^th street in Harlem talking on his cell phone. He stopped to give a homeless man money, instead of doing that he should have pulled out a permanent marker and written “Mark” on his head because four teenagers who were looking for someone to rob had just found the perfect victim: young, white and out of his element.

After yelling, “get the white boy” the teens descended on him. During the course of the robbery Hehman was able to get free and run into the street where he was hit by an oncoming car. R.I.P Broderick John Hehman.

The first thing that came to my mind was the movie “Grizzly Man”. Why? Because neither John Hehman nor the “Grizzly Man” had any real understanding of their environs and their survival could only be chalked up to dumb luck. If you’ve watched another popular documentary named “Bowling for Columbine” from Michael Moore you’ve already seen my point demonstrated. One scene in the movie had Moore and another man walking casually down the street in Compton, CA remarking about how the doom and gloom portrait of Compton is overblown because they felt safe. (Maybe being surrounded by a film production crew acted as a deterrent?) A large part of the Movie focused on how the media uses the fear of Black people and the illusion of Black criminals to… well it really never explains why the media does this but that’s the point. To die hard liberals it is widely assumed that Black people are forced to commit crime by the oppressive White establishment. To liberals Black people lack the receptors in their brains that allow choices. This is largely believed by the White liberal elites who think up such things in the safety of gated communities or in their Ivory Towers on the upper-Westside of Manhattan. To liberals the solutions for the issues in the Black population will obviously spring forth from these havens of progressive thought because only a White person who attends NYU and wears a $35 Che t-shirt can speak for and truly understand “the struggle” because struggle and poverty are equivalent to wisdom.

What I really see in both the “Grizzly Man” story and the tragedy of John Hehman’s death is a mix of misplaced compassion and the arrogance that only the self-righteous can truly attain. Now I didn’t know John Hehman but I know the type. I bet he said things like “people of color,” “free Mumia,” and “Income Redistribution.” He probably saw “Bowling for Columbine” and took it word for word as fact. He probably read Michel Foucault, Lenin, Che, and Stalin. (Oh wait he was never the en vogue Commie) He probably thought that the media hyped the history of violence in Harlem and that it is a safe place. Besides he was trying to understand and commune with people of color so if there were any criminals around they would see that fact and deviate from their natural instincts by not killing him.

THE DICK LIST CELEBRATES IMMIGRATION: INDIA

By: A.C #1

With all the negativity floating around these days concerning immigration The Dick List, being the standard bearer of tolerance and diversity, continues on with its quest to enlighten the American people to the many benefits of immigration.

India is a vast country and because of its close proximity to China an increasingly important strategic ally and unlike China it is a Democracy. Anti-immigration pundits also loudly rail against the newly warm relations with India, decrying the jobs lost to so-called “Outsourcing” of American jobs. To them I say “up yours, dickhead.”

The following is a visual celebration of all things Indian.

THE DICK LIST: ONE YEAR IN PICTURES

It's hard to believe but The Dick List is celebrating it's one year anniversary. In that short amount of time we have gone from being just another blog to the most trusted name in xeno-communist propaganda. Join us in a look back at The Dick List: Year One






April 2005: Dick List introduces the World to an unparalleled threat: The "Masshole"


May 2005: Our extensive overseas contacts begin to pay off with exposes like this one about Americas liberal traitors.

June 2005: As always The Dick List is miles ahead of the Mainstream Media. This photo was the first to bring attention to the looming immigration crisis we face today.



July 2005: Live 8, where Bob Geldof and Fitty taught us how to love again.

August 2005: A.C #1's hardhitting look into the tragedy of eating disorders proves that The Dick List's journalistic ethos is unquestionable.



September 2005: The P.E.T.A boardroom exposed.


October 2005: Remeber "Commander in Chief?" Neither do we.



November 2005: Angelina Jolie (pictured with her son Maddox) opens up to us a Dick List Interview.



December 2005: The new, tolerant face of White Fascist Christian Day. (formerly Christmas)

January 2006: The Dick List covers breaking news as Nancy Pelosi is replaced as Democratic Minority Leader.




February 2006: The Truth is out Here.



March 2006: The debut of our newest contributor, A.C #3 (Charly Sheen)




The Dick List would like to extend a heartfelt Thank You to: Howard Dean, Eva Longoria, Gil & Moti, Nancy Pelosi, PETA, David Gregory, Dora & Diego, Xenu, George Clooney, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, al Zarquawi, and Hillary Clinton. Without all of you being such big Dicks, we wouldn't be here today.

--The List Administrator, A.C.#1, Number 2 & Charly Sheen

P.S. - We would like to also extend our thanks to :
Rottweiler Puppy
The People's Cube
Making Headlines
Kender
Blame Bush
Moonbattery
Anti-Idiotarian
Swamp Rat
Jarhead John
CantGetBehindThat
and everybody that links to us and leaves comments. Thank You

BRAVO TO SOUTH PARK

Isn't it scary that the one group that has attempted to defend our free speech out of the entire American media is South Park?

Still, despite the best efforts of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, Comedy Central has censored any image of Muhammed, no matter how innocuous, from appearing on its network. SHAME ON COMEDY CENTRAL; SHAME ON THE UNITED STATES OF DHIMMITUDE; SHAME ON THE WEST. Our nation, with all its 'free speech' lip service, is full of shit.

Well fuck this. WE WILL NOT BE COWED BY ISLAM on TDL. Sadly, the FRONT LINES of the war on FREE SPEECH run through blogs like ours.

DOUCHE MADNESS: CLOONEY REIGNS SUPREME!

CLOONEY DEFEATS MAHR TO CAPTURE 2006's DOUCHE MADNESS TITLE!

TEHRAN, IRAN (Reuters)- In the end it was a foregone conclusion. With no number 1 seeds surviving into the Fuckin' Four, George Clooney became the odds-on favorite to take home his first ever Douche Madness title.

He didn't disappoint.

Although Bill Mahr put forth a valliant effort, Mr. Clooney's star power and dominant year was too much for the 'Real Time' host to handle. Arriving in his electric car only 15 minutes before gametime, Clooney appeared loose and ready for action. His demeanor varied little into the first minutes of the match, as the a-list star cruised out to an early lead.

Mr. Mahr did his best to hang with Clooney, and ended the first half on a 15-4 douche run. Clooney returned, however, focused and ready to pull away. He opened the second half with a 15-2 run of his own, and from that point the match was safely put of reach.

As Clooney fans ate organic veggie burgers and drank soy milk, their hero easily secured his first ever Douche Madness Title.


Above: George Clooney gives his post-match press conference with trophy in hand.

"I'd like to dedicate this title to the xeno-communists trapped underneath Prick Cheney's ranch" said Clooney at the post-match press conference. "With a little help from them and Hugo Chavez, we can change America and make it the most progressyve place ever! We shall leave even France in the dust through the power of movies, electric cars, and space alien xeno-communists."

"Try this on for size" continued the champ, "how would you like a 20 hour work week and absolute job security for life from your first day of kindergarten? How would you like to get rid of the military, cigarettes, alcohol and steak? How would you like to do away with the church and heterosexuality? How would you like to do away with private property? All of [you] workers could live togther on equal terms in goverment funded tenaments....no more mortgage to worry about, no more car payments and corporate exploitation! We can make all of these dreams possible! It is in our power today- if we would only stand together and remove the illegal fascists from power! Join me, George Clooney, and nothing can stop us. Not even allah! Think about it, folks....you will find me in my sprawling Lake Como mansion when you're ready for action."

Mr. Clooney then boarded a private jet with several of his closest friends and flew off to Italy for dinner with Romano Prodi, creating more air pollution from that one flight than most American families generate per capita in an entire year.

DOUCHE MADNESS: THE DOUCHE CHAMPIONSHIP

CLOONEY TO FACE MAHR IN DOUCHE MADNESS CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

TEHRAN, IRAN (A.P.)- George Clooney dominated Nancy Pelosi to storm into the Douche Madness Championship Match. Clooney will face balding talk-show host Bill Mahr in a matchup almost no one expected.

For Clooney, this Douche Madness run has been a long time in the making.

"I always felt as if I was underappreciated on The Dick List. First I made 'Good Night and Good Luck', then I came up with 'Syriana', and then I declared that I was happy to be out of touch with America, yet TDL still didn't show me the respect I deserve. I mean, where the fuck is my #1 seed? Am I not as idiotic as Cindy Sheehan? Well Cindy's gone and I'm still here. Now is my time. I feel that with a win, I can cement my place in the upper echelon of douchedom for the forseeable future."

For third seeded Bill Mahr, the story has been one of redemption.

Mr. Mahr first appeared among the ranks of douchedom when he hosted a hilariously misnamed late-night talk show called "Politically Incorrect". On this show, Mr. Mahr weilded his razor-sharp left wing wisdom to strike down the misguided political opinions of such accomplished polymaths as Andrew "Dice" Clay, Pamela Anderson, and Pink.

Mr. Mahr and 'Politically Incorrect' were unfairly taken off ABC in 2001 by the Bush-Halliburton-Rumsfeld junta when Mahr suggested, with good reason, that the terrorists that murdered 3,000 unarmed Americans on September 11 were not cowards but were, in fact, very brave.

Deceived by the government and blinded by racial hatred, the American public revolted agianst Mr. Mahr's enlightened opinion. Mr. Mahr was banished from network T.V., and for three years he had to sell his asshole on the street in order to stay alive.

Overcome with depression and angel dust addiction, Mahr attempted to commit suicide three times. All three times, he vomited the semen before he could choke on it. Then, one fateful morning as he attempted to solicit another John for anal sex so he could feed his addiction, Mahr met HBO producer Will Peterson.

Peterson was immediately stuck by Mr. Mahr's liberal gravitas.

"I could just tell that [Bill] was so smart. All of his opinions were completely and utterly correct, even when high on angel dust. I figured that all this guy needed was another shot, and I didn't mean the kind that comes from a heroin needle"

Peterson immediately offered Mahr his own show on HBO. Within days, "Real Time with Bill Mahr" premiered on HBO. The rest, as they say, is history.

Now Mr. Mahr has returned to the Olympian heights of douchedom; a contender for the title of Douche Madness Champion, 2006.

Be sure to tune in to ESPN2 at 8:00 Tuesday night to see the Douche Madness Championship Game.

THE GOSPEL OF JUDAS: THE SPIN STOPS HERE

I've been reading a lot in the papers these days regarding a so called 'Gospel of Judas', which was apperently discovered and translated from a papyrus codex dated to around the year 300 A.D.

This 'gospel' is the subject of a heavily promoted documentry funded by National Geographic and timed nicely to be realesed right about the time that the Da Vinci Code hits theatres. In this 'gospel', it is 'revealed' that Judas did not actually betray Jesus Christ, but was rather told by Jesus to deliver him to the temple authorities so that he could fulfil his ultimate mission of dying for humanity's sins. The major story: Judas was not a traitor after all, but was in fact a martyr.

As a student of history, I am appalled at how this story has been spun. Here are the FACTS that the media spin machine isn't telling you:

The 'gospel' of Judas is an apocryphal text. Quite simply, it means that the text was considered untrustworthy and incredible (i.e. bullshit) by the bishops who, at the council of Nicea in the 300's A.D., decided which texts to include in the official Christian bible.

It's not that the early Christian church did not know about the text or decided to hide it; rather they thought it to be a tall tale written by an ancient fiction writer- not unlike the Da Vinci Code today.

In fact, there were many apocryphal texts written in antiquity- including 'gospels' of Mary Magdalane, Thomas, and Joseph.

One such apocryphal text tells of how a skeptical woman, when she questioned Mary's (Jesus's Mother) virginity, decided to stick her finger in the mother of God's cooch to feel if she had a hymen. The skeptical woman found out the hard way when her finger was burnt off by Mary's holy hole.

It goes without saying that this trash was rejected from the Bible because its implausable and stupid.

To make a long story short, apocryphal texts were recognized as fanciful bullcrap in ancient times and they should be recognized as such today. The discovery of the 'gospel of Judas' is not some new revelation of ancient wisdom as the media and National Geographic would have you believe.

While its exciting that we have rediscovered an ancient text from the year 300, the 'gospel of Judas' is more suited to giving us a window into early Christian society rather than revaling a new 'truth' overlooked by the bible. In other words, trying to sell this 'gospel' as a new revelation of Christianity would be like someone digging up 'War of the Worlds' in the year 4000 and then claiming it chronicles a new, previously unknown event in the history of the 20th century.

-The List Admin.

TDL BREAKING NEWS: CBS NEWS TO REPLACE BIASED CRUSTY DINOSAUR WITH BIASED BIG-GUMMED BLONDE

NEW YORK (A.P.)- In a move to repair its nonexistant credibility and remedy its low ratings, CBS has decided to make a revolutionary change to it's ailing news division- by replacing it's left-wing biased old-man anchor with a far more appealing left-wing biased blonde.

"We believe Katie Couric, with her cute blonde hair and quirky yet lovable big gums, will make our left-wing bias even less detectable and more palatable to the American public" said Les Moonves, president of CBS.

"Our hiring of Katie represents a revolution for mainstream media news. Instead of trying to pass our propaganda off as 'news' from reputable and serious journalists, we will inject our liberal talking points into the subconscious of the general public through Ms. Couric's adorable personality and million-dollar smile."

"We are extremely happy to have Katie [Couric] aboard here at CBS News," continued Moonves, "because she polls well with women in the 25-55 year old demographic. Second only to Oprah, Katie will be able to control the minds of American women with ease. When Katie says Iraq is a disaster, the female public will finally listen and they'll refuse sex to their husbands until we retreat. We've got Bush on the ropes, and Katie's large gums will deal the coup-de-gras! Besides, its well worth it to pay Katie $40 million to read shit off a teleprompter even if she can't make Bush go away"

In reponse to CBS's bold move, NBC has contacted Lindsey Lohan as a possible replacement for Brian Williams and ABC has fired Bob Woodruff.

"We don't need some wounded gimp right now....Woodruff is dead weight" said an unnamed source at ABC News. "We need more cuddly cuteness to deal in our propaganda. No one wants to see some bloody mess with his brain hanging out of his head and there's something creepy about [Elizabeth] Vargas...she might even be a lesbian; My idea was to hire Dakota Fanning and...get this....a baby fur seal to anchor the evening news!"


"Good evening, and weclome to ABC World News Tonight. I'm Dakota Fanning...."
"...and I'm Mr. Snuggles, the baby seal..."
"...and tonight, Iraq careens hoplessly towards civil war as the Bush administration admits its made 'thousands of errors' "
"...and on the home front, tornadoes struck the south as my icy habitat contiues to melt. Has global warming has turned the world climate on its head?"

In the meanwhile, CBS was busy trying to clear the overpowering old-man smell out of its news anchor chair before Ms. Couric's arrival. Stay tuned to The Dick List for all the current news reagrding Ms. Couric's groundbreaking move to CBS.

Developing....

Categories: katie, couric, CBS, ABC, nightly, news, anchor, switch, new, NBC, world, tonight, evening, liberal, les, moonves

DOUCHE MADNESS: THE 2006 FUCKIN' FOUR

The 2006 Fuckin' Four Matchups:

George Clooney v. Nancy Pelosi

Jeanine Garofalo v. Bill Mahr

FORGOTEN VICTIMS OF THE ILLEGAL ALIEN CRISIS

By: A.C #1

While much of the coverage regarding the spate of illegal alien protest marches has focused on the so-called 'crises' we face at our southern border and the response by illegal alien support groups like La Raza and their deranged fantasies, a small group has been pushed aside in the blogger feeding frenzy this has created. The noble churro farmer faces extinction if the Congress passes its controversial bill HR-4437. The churro (pronounced sure-ohhh) has been the sole source of income for many in the immigrant population of the Texas City of Los Churros Grande. Farmer Jose and his son Jos-b have worked their churro farm for nearly three decades.

“Yeah dis ting in Congress et going to close our farm, mang.” Said a distraught Jos-b “Who eez gonna feed mi familia.” The churro itself will vanish from the American landscape if HR-4437 passed because Americans simply refuse to stoop to the level of having jobs and working. The churro farmers had a mass showing at the demonstrations in Chicago and now can only hope that as the light begins to shine on their plight, the American public will see that even thought we come from different countries our love of churros can bring us together.

In order to Demonstrate our desire to embrace other cultures we will be presenting a exclusive new series over the next few weeks : The Dick List's Tribute to Immigrants and Diversity. Below is a visual celebration of all things asian.

TDL NEWS: ACADEMIC REACHES NEW PINNACLE OF LEFTIST WISDOM

The self-hating, cancerous philosphy of leftism has finally reached the logical final destination of its theoreitcal journey - the destruction of the entire human human race.

That's right, a professor at the University of Texas by the name of Eric Pianka has begun openly advocating the death of the human race, and views it as something beneficial for the planet.

“[Disease] will control the scourge of humanity...We’re looking forward to a huge collapse.”

As if this outrageous and psychotic death wish wasn't enough, 'professor' Pianka has been garnering rave reviews from his students, who have apparently imbibed large quantities of moonbat-flavored kool-aid:

"[Pianka is] a radical thinker, that one!..And at the risk of sounding just as radical, I think he’s right” wrote one student.

Aside of the obvious question such as "what ever happened to universities being dedicated to the good of human kind?", The Dick List believes this episode raises an even larger question that must be addressed. To wit, "HOW THE FUCK CAN WE GET RID OF TENURE IN AMERICAN UNIVERSITIES AND WHERE DO WE START?"

No univeristy in America would allow a Nazi to mold young minds; why should we sit back and allow a crazed left wing sociopath to poison them???

And people laughed when Pope John Paul II accused America of nurturing a "culture of death".....

-The List Admin.

WHAT ARE THESE PROTESTS REALLY ABOUT?

I can't help but sense that there is something sinister behind a great many of these Mexicans



At first I was sympathetic to most of these illegals, but now I'm starting to become annoyed.

Hey Mexicans- why did you enter this country if you want to turn it back into Mexico and fuck it up like you did to your own homeland? If you were competant at managing a nation, you wouldn't have had to immigrate in the first place. If you want to be here, you have to want to be Americans. That's the rule.

For our take on illegal immigration, click here.