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Monday, June 01, 2009



Chapter 1

IN THE BEGINNING, there was nothing. Then there was the big bangeth, which did issue forth over billions of years all the universe and all its diverse particles from the "singularity", which was also nothing. These particles included atoms, protons, neutrons, electrons, quarks, neutrinos, toxins and carbon. The universe thus comes from nothing and exists in nothing and is constantly expanding into more nothing. Billions of years later, it was theretofore cleverly deduced by progressive humans who live upon a small portion of a tiny speck in this vast sea of black nothingness, and who discovered internal combustion a century ago, that the existance of God is a preposterous superstition.

Anyhow, it came to pass that one day a few atoms got together to form protein, and a few proteins formed a sphere, and inside these spheres developed long chains of amino acids which organized in such a way as to replicate themselves. From a few billion years of this came life.

At first, life was anaerobic and peaceful and sought to generate green energy by capturing the sun's wholesome rays and turning them into ATP for the benefit of all other single celled organisms. There were no religion and no countries, and all the organisims lived for the day. This paradise was called slime mold.

Then one day a greedy, antisocial organism nefariously developed something called the electron transport chain, and began to amass more ATP than the other organisms which it wouldn't share. Incidentally, this organism was called D. cheynicoccus. Soon cheynicoccus grew a fancy new flagellum with all his spare ATP, and then he began to phagocytose the peaceful, green egalitarian anaerobes. Thus, the first income inequity and violence began, concurrent with the birth of the Republican party- 2.3 billion years ago this week.

And so it was that violence and unfairness besmudged gaia the Earth mother, and soon the peaceful eco-conscious slime molds were relegated to the very periphery of thier own planet as more and more fascist organisms competed with one another to steal the most ATP.....

stay tuned for Chapter 2

Sunday, January 04, 2009


TDL nominates Italian marxist Antonio Gramsci.

Who is Antonio Gramsci? The appropriate question is who was Antonio Gramsci. He died in 1937. Over 71 years after his death, however, his influence is ascendant. Heck, he helped elect the next president of the USA.

Gramsci was a marxist thinker who differed from the orginal marxists in one key way. Whereas men like Lenin believed that the lower classes would revolt against the upper classes when given some power in the form of arms, Gramsci posited that it was not just police and military (i.e. overt force of arms) that kept the lowly proletariat in its place. Instead, Gramsci theorized that an additional factor was at work- a factor which he dubbed 'cultural hegemony'.

'Cultural hegemony', in the definition of Gramsci, means simply that the upper classes have created a society and a system of values/morals which are supported by that society's institutions. These institutions include the church, education system, political system and media. Due to the institutions, the lower classes do not recognize that they are being oppressed- thus preventing their revolt.

Gramsci theorized that the proletariat would only truly revolt against the upper class once the 'cultural hegemony' instilled by the institutions was broken. The institutions of the upper classes would have to be infiltrated and the values they promulgated- regardless of merit- would have to be undermined. Once the institutions where undermined, a new system of values would be instilled in the public. These values would be in inherent conflict with the old values, which they would strive to destroy. Gramsci called this systematic takeover of institutions of capitalist society "the long march through the institutions". He recognized it could take decades.

Antonio Gramsci died in prison under Mussolini. To the Western world's everlasting detriment, the evil genius was not shot before he could put his HIV-in-writing to paper.

Eventually, a group of marxist theorists called the Frankfurt School came into possession of Gramsci's writings, which heavily influenced them. When the Nazis took over Germany, many of the Frankfurt school fled to the United States, where they were seeded in universities such as Columbia in New York. Undoubtedly they received funding and support from Soviet secret services. They also had support of influential Americans such as Edward R. Murrow, who was already in a very powerful position within the news media. Soon enough, Gramscians were seeded throughout the universities, where they used tenure as a means to protect themselves as they slowly promulgated their ideas.

The real coup, however, was the infiltration of the news media which began in the late 1950s through the mid 1960s. This was to be expected, as the Gramscians were teaching journalism students. In fact, the genius of the Gramscians was in infiltrating institutions without ever mentioning Gramsci's name or his theories. Soon, a whole generation of college graduates were inoculated with Gramsci's ideas- ideas specifically designed to bring about the downfall of society- without even knowing it. To these people, most of whom meant well, they were doing the moral and good thing. This persists today.

One needs only look objectively at what's going on today to see the success of Gramsci. For example, if one were to think of the opposite of 'Cultural Hegemony', the first things to come to one's mind would be 'Diversity' or 'Multiculturalism'. Today, Diversity and Multiculturalism are sacred cows beyond reproach or question in public, and they were invented by Gramscians in order to subvert Western institutions.

As we all know, 'diversity' and 'multiculturalism' as forwarded by the modern Left stand for the principles that anything that is of the Western male tradition is wrong and tainted by oppression, racism, and guilt. Diversity is sold to impressionable college students as a good thing because it exposes us to 'different perspectives', however it doesn't take a genius to see that those interested in diversity don't want to hear any viewpoints that differ from their own. 'Diversity', in fact, strives to create people all of the same perspective with different shades of skin.

The giant lie that is diversity is doggedly protected by the leftist intelligentsia, which cleverly hide its real intentions with the shield of 'racism'. To the left's foot soldiers- i.e. those who have been inoculated with the left's thought patterns but don't realize or understand how or why they're being used- anyone who attacks diversity is either uneducated or a horrid Nazi racist KKK member who would as soon murder 6 million people in ovens or lynch blacks. No one is allowed to consider that multiculturalism and diversity might be a bad thing for a country without a common ethnic identity like the United States. The fact is that multiculturalism and diversity were invented by academic marxists in order to destroy the United States as it existed by undermining the elements of common culture that drew us together- namely the concept of Western civilization. This is also why amongst universities it has been the trend to drop Western Culture core classes from the curriculum.

In any case, I credit Gramsci as being the man of the year for 2008 because his ideas leading to infiltration of our institutions have been so successful and nearly impossible to stop. Our news media, universities, and politics are rotten to the core. Just the fact that a lightweight such as Obama was even considered for election is proof enough.

Our institutions are thoroughly infected by leftists, most of whom don't even know they've been carefully manipulated by marxist maniacs. These people think they're fighting for equality and freedom, but in reality they are hastening the collapse of Western power and the downfall of our societies. This, after all, is what the ultimate goal of Gramsci was- the destruction of the West so that the perfect socialist Utopia could be created in its place.

Unfortunately for all of us, the socialist utopia will never come because it is impossible. Human nature assures that. Instead, the future will belong to those countries that have not been infected with Gramscism- ironically countries such as China. The Chinese pay lip service to Communism but really they are an ultra-nationalist fascist state. They need just sit back and let us kill ourselves, and then feed from our corpse.

I sigh as I see thousands of Europeans protest Israel for defending itself against unprovoked rocket attacks..... is there any hope for the West?

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


By: The List Administrator

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Along time ago on a winter's day cold,

Darryl the Donkey went to the North Pole.

Darryl was eager, that much is clear

to join Santa's team of flying reindeer.

And inside the home of the jolly old elf,

Darryl the Donkey soon found himself.

His ears both pricked up and his pulse became quick,

for he was to interview with good ole Saint Nick!

"So what can you do to bring kids enjoyment,

that I should consider your wish for employment?"

said Santa Claus who was always direct,

as he peered at Darryl from behind his square specs.

"I can't run, I hate cold, I won't work with the boys

and with my bad back I can't make any toys,

I don't want a desk job; that truly bores me

and lots of hard work rightly deplores me,

I get sick very often and I need lots of rest,

and true, I scored low on your aptitutde test,

but what I want; what would truly be fair

is to team with reindeer and take to the air!"

"Well then," Santa said with a gleam in his eye,

"my question to you is how well do you fly?"

"Well that's just the thing," said Darryl, "what's more,

since I am a donkey, I can't really soar.

As a matter of fact, I can't fly at all,

but most of your reindeer are strong and are tall.

I just can't see why they won't pick up all the slack,

and fly me along as I ride on their backs."

"Now then" said Santa "I regret to inform you

that if you can't fly then I just can't employ you,

'cause we run a tight ship and we have to meet deadlines

and if we mess up we'll be standing in bread lines.

With taxes so high and the libs' victory

we're a bad year away from full bankruptcy!"

"Oh I see" said Darryl, a scowl on his face,

"you don't want to employ me because of my race!

So I'm not a reindeer, that much is true,

but in your whole office there's nary a Jew.

And although you have elves named Jimmy and Tom,

not one person here believes in Islam.

Yes you have reindeer, but no pigs and no monkeys,

no mules, no gay aardvarks, no wombats or donkeys!

I don't want to believe it and I hate to say this:

but good old Saint Nick is a mean, full-blown racist!"

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"Now wait just a minute" said Santa real loud,

"what makes you think you can push me around!?!

for I am Chris Kringle and millions all trust me

and I have no jobs for one earth-bound donkey.

Now get out of here or I'll call security."

"Well you haven't heard the last thing from me!

for I have a friend, most wise and most true,

I'll call
Holiday Claus and her ACLU!"

and off Darryl stormed into the cold night,

determined to struggle for his 'civil rights'.


So a few weeks went on, Chris forgot of the scrap,

and he had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

He sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window he flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to his wondering eyes came to order,

But a female Inuit and eight tiny reporters!

With a ten hybrid cars, so lively and quick,

he knew in a moment it must be that bitch.

More rapid than eagles reporters they came,

And they whistled, and shouted, and called out their names;



To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

We know there's a story, lets make Santa fall!"

An upon the door there was heard such shudder,

that Missus Claus' heart had started to flutter,

then the door flew ajar and now stood with no pause,

a mob of reporters and Holiday Claus!

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"I'm Holiday Claus of the ACLU,

and I'm here to watch all the things that you do"

"Sweet jesus, my dear, why the hell are you here?"

said old Santy Claus loud enough to be clear.

"First and most foremost, I'll ask you real nice,

that you never again come to mention the Christ,

As you know true enough, my explanation is given-

I'm the first holiday icon to have no religion.

I'm female and dark skinned and American native,

from the ACLU, 'cause they are creative.

They made me to make sure that things will be fair,

and not 'Christmas' but 'Holiday' we will all share.

I'm here to make sure no one's ever offended,

not a Hindu or fruity gay man who's rear-ended,

by this celebration of all things that are Christian,

so I push 'Holiday', 'cause that is my mission.

Now what is this troubling thing that I hear,

of you only working with flying reindeer?"

"Now wait just one minute", said Couric, Katie

"Is it true, sir, you won't hire a lady?

'cause me and my crew interviewed all your elves

and there wasn't a woman with boobs like myself!"

And then interrupted the anchor Dan Rather:

"Anti-Hispanic is what I can gather,

for I didn't see one elf from Chiapas,

one brown-skinned snowman or a maid from Honduras."

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"Why did you think you could keep being racist?"

Asked all the reporters, frowns on thier faces.

"I have no comment, from the news I'm averse

but I'll certainly make 'Holiday' more diverse"

and with that one comment Chris pushed them all out

o'er the din of reporters' protesting and shouts.

And outside his cottage sat CNN and Fox News,

and Sharpton and Rangel and News Channel 2.

And across the T.V. ran the bold head-line ticker:

"Former employees say Santa said 'nigger'"


As the days turned to weeks, there was nary a switch;

news choppers, Geraldo, a hit piece by Frank Rich;

Large protetst marches and much condemnation;

widespread prescripted 'sensitivity training'.

And Santa had no way from this P.R. mess,

and he knew that he had to do now what was best;

to save his whole business, his family and work,

He would have to give in and hire the jerk;

so he picked up the phone and gave Darryl a call,

and told him he could work over there after all,

and then to the news-papers St. Nick announced he

was starting a program for North Pole diversity.

But in order to hire the 'flight-challenged' ass,

Santa released an employee with class,

who was a great flyer from his head to his toes,

who once had saved Christmas with his glowing, red nose.

'cause Rudolph, you see, though he flew with authority,

was Santa's one reindeer with the lowest seniority.

"I'm sorry" said Kringle, "we're all gonna miss you...

but with this tight budget I just cannot keep you."

"But I worked hard for this job!" protested Rudolph with shock,

"now I'm out on my ass, my God, what a CROCK!!!"

"Maybe next Christmas I'll hire you back,

but now I need you to clean up and pack,

for Darryl'll soon be here, the press close in chase,

and for them we need to put on our best face,

and pre-tend everything's all merry and glee,

so maybe the news will forget about me,

so I can go back to making great toys,

for all of the planet's good girls and good boys."

And out walked poor Rudolph, his stuff in a box,

and straight to a strip-club dubbed 'The Arctic FoXXX',

went the red-nosed reindeer, to drink 'way his sorrow

and worry 'bout his lack of employment tomorrow.

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And drink lots did Rudolph and get five lap-dances,

and slip all his dollars in strippers' small pantses,

and when morning came, they threw Rudolph out

stinking of liquor; a pugnatious lout.

And alone sat poor Rudolph, all drunk in the snow;

no money, no job, not one piece of doe.


Meanwhile Chris Kringle made a few other moves,

to make sure the media of him did approve.

He hired El Senior Muy Guappo Snow Hombre

Diego Montoya Martinez Del Andres,

the first 'latin' snowman, made all of brown 'snow',

from south of the border in ole' Mex-i-co.

He hired a toymaking elf from Hong Kong,

and he brought in a Jewish accountant named Ron,

and when all the newsmen came in for the story,

Santa's North Pole shone with di-verse glory!

"Here's our new COO, an elfette named Lanarra"

said jolly Chris Kringle, posing for the cameras,

"And here's our new Muslim elf, Haji Al-Haq,

he's building a bomb in our Christmas Toy Shoppe."

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And the reporters were happy; they shouted with glee:

"Oh my, what a great 'Holiday' this will be!!!"

For they had, in thier minds, changed things for the best,

even though toymaking now was a great mess,

'cause elfette Lanarra as a boss was a dud,

and nobody likes a 'snowman' made of mud,

and Darryl the Donkey came in after 3,

and Haji Al-Haq messed with T-N-T,

so toys were made slow; there just weren't enough,

and test-flights sans Rudolph turned out to be tough,

'cause while Donder and Blitzen strained to go high,

Darryl just sat there, eating some pie,

and giving them pointers on how to fly better,

wrapped in a down jacket and heavy wool sweater.

"This is crazy!" yelped Comet, "I've had enough of this shit.

if didn't have mortgage, I'd surely have quit!"

"If you think that's bad, then listen to this crap-

I think that dirt 'snowman' stole all of my hubcaps!"

exclaimed mighty Dasher, huffing as he spoke,

dragging the sleigh from behind his tight yoke.

But Darryl just sat there, chatting real slickly

on his cell-phone with his fat girl-friend, 'Vicki'.

Resented by others, Darryl couldn't care less,

'cause his benefits were quite near the best,

he had medical, and dental, and coverage galore,

and he could retire at age fifty-four,

and live on his pension as if it was free,

and maybe at forty he'd claim dis'bility,

and sleep till ten-thirty and hang out in his bed,

and then work off the books for his first cousin, Fred.


As the big day grew close, more changes were witnessed

such as the out-lawing of the word they call "Christmas".

Instead, "Merry Holiday" was used at all meetings,

or "Have a Great Kwanzaa" or just "Season's Greetings".

And though toy production was utterly slow,

Santa himself outlawed the word "Ho",

and he hired a publicist to invent a new phrase;

much more gender-neutral to appeal to the babes,

and so "Go Go Go!" became his new call,

"Merry Holiday to you- and tolerance of all!"

And as he packed up his sleigh for 'Holiday' Eve Night,

all of Santa's elves were panicked with fright,

for Haji had blown himself up with a thud,

and splattered Diego, the 'snowman' of mud.

and as flame and fire raged out of control,

Darryl just sat there, smoking a bowl.

"This night is stressful, I needed a hit"

said Darryl the Donkey "...and this is good shit!

I can't wait to fly, it'll be a phat trip

now what in the world did I do with those chips...."

As he climbed in the sleigh, red-eyed and all

his great big fat ass caused some presents to fall,

out to the ground, but he didn't care

for he had grown sleepy in the cold winter air.


And as Darryl napped, the Jolly Old Elf

had to do the hard work all by his damn self,

Of loading the presents into the sleigh,

and giving the reindeer adequate hay.

And since Darryl was big, there was less room for toys

to give to all the world's good girls and good boys.

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So some kids awoke the next day without glee,

to find there was emptyness under their tree,

and others were sad, its hard to debate

for thier Chritsmas toys showed up three days late!

And after that Christmas there was much commotion;

the North Pole was un-used to terror explosions!

And Comet soon quit to find a new job

and Darryl the Donkey was still a fat slob,

who came in real late, and did what he wanna,

and talked to his girlfriend, and smoked marijuana.

And even though millions of kiddies were sad,

the ACLU could not see the bad,

that they had imposed upon all of those others,

'cause now 'Holiday' featured different skin colors

And the media reporters went to their next story,

in a non-ending cycle of self-centered glory,

to find the next 'scoop' and break the next big one,

regardless the impact it had on the children,

or the soldiers, or homefront, or all of the nation,

'cause to them all that matters is getting high ratings.


And one day I saw Santy Claus three years past,

and Darryl the Donkey was still on his ass;

as he sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all sputtered, slow like a lead missile.

But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,


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Tuesday, December 09, 2008



Once upon a time on a winter's evening fair,
appeared a fine figure as quick as a hare

Arriving on a sleigh on a brisk wind so cool,
the figure got out and walked towards your kid's school....

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Teacher: Okay kids, settle down and finish your milk. Today we a very special holiday treat for you...

Kids: Yaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy!

Teacher: We're going to have an extra special visitor who wears a red suit and comes from a far away and cold land, so I want you kids to be super nice.....

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Timmy: Is it....SANTA CLAUS???


Nicole: Yay! SANTA!!!! I want a pony!

Billy: I'm gonna leave him cookies!!!

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Christine: Did he bring his waynedeers?

Kids: Yaaaaaayyyyy SANTA!

[visitor walks into the room]

Timmy: wait....thats not.....

Teacher: Now I want you kids to give an extra special kindergarten welcome to our new friend from the ACLU, HOLIDAY CLAUS!

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[kids are silent]

HOLIDAY CLAUS: GO GO GO, HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Hello children!!! I hope everyone is having an extra tolerant and inclusive holiday season.....

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Luis: Aren't you supposed to say "Ho Ho Ho"?

HOLIDAY CLAUS: Now then, little boy, "Ho" is a word that might be construed as a derogatory epithet towards women. "Go" is a positive and empowering word which encourages participation, diversity, and tolerance!

Christine: Why do you look like that?

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Johnny: You don't look like santa....

Timmy: He's a girl.....

HOLIDAY CLAUS: Precisely, little boy! In fact, I am the first female Alaskan Eskimo/Inuit/Native American to be recognized as a holiday icon! I was created by the wonderful people down at the American Civil Liberties Union to be the most inclusive and inoffensive holiday symbol ever, and to make sure no one is ever offended by others celebrating their faith.


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HOLIDAY CLAUS: Now now, little boy, using the "S" word here in this classroom is intolerable because that would violate the constitutional separation between church and state. You see, if we don't respect the separation between church and state, people like George W. Bush and Bill O'Reilly will break in to your home late at night, kill your parents, and baptize you while you sleep! How would you like that, to wake up with water all over your head and a George W. Bush singing Christian hymns next to the lifeless bodies of your mommy and daddy???

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Billy [eyes welling up with tears]: I want my mommy!!!

Christine: Can we sing Cwistmas cawols?

Luis: I like Rudolph the Red Nosed Rein...

HOLIDAY CLAUS: CHILDREN! The "C" word is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN from this classroom! Why, what has your teacher been teaching you???

Teacher: What's the big deal? Christmas is only ten da...

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HOLIDAY CLAUS: ENOUGH! I will not tolerate that word spoken here in this classroom!!! What are you trying to do, get this kids convicted of THOUGHTCRIMES?

Nicole: Th--thawtcwimes???

HOLIDAY CLAUS: Yes, little girl, thoughtcrimes.

Jimmy: What's a taughtcrime?

Luis: I want to go home!

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HOLIDAY CLAUS: Well, children, its actually quite simple. A thoughtcrime occurs when: 1) A person with white colored skin 2) who is Christian 3) believes in, thinks of, or speaks of ideas or concepts which might be construed by any non-white skinned or non-Christian person as offensive in any way, shape, or form.

Jimmy: I like Chips Ahoy. Is that a thoughtcwime?

HOLIDAY CLAUS: Not unless eating cookies offends a non-Christian or someone with skin that is not white.....

Luis: I have white colored skin and I love Santa. Am I guilty?

HOLIDAY CLAUS: Are you Christian?

Luis: Yes.

HOLIDAY CLAUS: Then you are guilty.

Luis: Aye, dios mio!

HOLIDAY CLAUS: OH...was that Spanish I did hear? Why, then you are not guilty after all! I forgot to mention: Spanish speakers and thier children cannot commit thoughtcrimes.

Luis: Yay! I'm gonna call my daddy in Madrid and tell him how good I am!

HOLIDAY CLAUS: Oh....did you say Madrid as in Spain? Forget it, you're guilty.

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Luis [crying]: I don't like Holiday Claus! I want to go home!

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Christine: Can we pet your waynedeers?

Tommy: Yeah, I wanna see your sleigh!

HOLIDAY CLAUS: Okay, kids, follow me... [walks outside to street in front of the school; kids follow]

Billy: Is that your sleigh???

Christine: Where are your waynedeers?

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HOLIDAY CLAUS: Children! I'm disappointed in you! Don't you know that its wrong to capture innocent anmials and make them do your bidding? Hasn't PETA visited you yet?

Tommy: Who's Peter?

HOLIDAY CLAUS: Silly children! My sleigh is climate change resistant and earth friendly! Its made of a lightweight polystyrene and latex epoxy resin composed entirely of recyled 2 liter Coca-Cola bottles and used condoms. It's powered by a team of four ultra-efficient hybrid cars, each which cost more than $107,000. On a good day, I can crank that baby up to almost 25 miles per hour!

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Christine [sobbing]: BUT I WIKE WAYNEDEER...

HOLIDAY CLAUS: Now then, little one, don't cry! Would a nice holiday gift make you cheer up?

Kids: Yaaaaaaayyyyy! CHRISTMAS PRESENTS!

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HOLIDAY CLAUS: CHILDREN! I warned you about using the "C" word. It is simply intolerable in today's day and age...

Billy: why?

HOLIDAY CLAUS: Why? Because whoever uses the "C" word is an un-American traitor to our country. You see, kids, a long time ago the founders of our country wrote a document called The Constitution. In The Constitution, it was written that every American citizen has the absolute right to never be offended.

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Teacher: I don't remember that being in the Constitution! Exactly where are you getting that from?

HOLIDAY CLAUS: Oh sure, it's in there- in the 34th Amendment right next to the right to kill fetuses.

Teacher: Wait a minute, there aren't 34 amendements......

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HOLIDAY CLAUS: Sure there are. But I digress. Using the "C" word or celebrating Christian holidays on public property also violates the constitutional separation between church and state! It's a slippery slope and we must be ever vigiliant! You see, first they'll be putting "C" trees in front of the courthouse and before you know it they will throw out the law books and use Jesus law instead. In the end, we'll all be forced to pay tithes to the Pope and atheists will be burnt at the stake. So you see, we have to stop the pernicious merger of church and state right where it starts- on decorated pine trees and in cheap plastic light-up nativity scenes at the local firehouse!

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Nicole: [tugging on Holiday Claus' shirt] H-Holiday Claus.....w-why do you say that Cwismas is so o-opensive?

HOLIDAY CLAUS: "C" is offensive to anyone who isn't Christian. Think of your little Jewish friend, Josh. Do you really want to make him feel left out during the holiday season? What are you, some sort of little Eichmann or something?

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Nicole [begins crying]: n-no...

HOLIDAY CLAUS: Now Joshua, don't you feel included now that no one can celebrate "C" any longer?

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Josh: No, not weally. Do you think Batman could beat Superman in a fight?

HOLIDAY CLAUS: My, the violence we teach our youth! Don't you know that fighting is never the answer?

Billy: Holiday Claus, you said we could have presents.....

HOLIDAY CLAUS: Ah, yes, I almost forgot...... who wants PRESENTS???


Timmy: I want a battle bot 2000!

Jimmy: I want an Xbox!

HOLIDAY CLAUS: Great! How! You there- take this wonderful gift...

Jimmy [glumly]: Oh.......its

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HOLIDAY CLAUS: Why, its not just a book! Its a limited edition of Susan Sontag's final tome on Gender Economics as Applied to African Americans Between the Ages of 18 and 34! Isn't that exciting?!?

Jimmy: ummm............ thanks.......I guess.......

HOLIDAY CLAUS: And this for you, little girl! It's by the French postmodern deconstructionist Jacques Derrida!
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Christine [tears welling up]: But I wanted a pony....

Luis: Holiday Claus, can I have one of those things you have stuck to your chest?

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HOLIDAY CLAUS: Oh, you mean these? Silly boy, they're awareness ribbons! Red is for AIDS, yellow is for cancer, pink is for breast cancer, multi-culored is for autism, blue is for blue balls and lavender is a catch-all ribbon for all of the maladies I've forgotten to be aware of.

Luis: What's khaki for?

HOLIDAY CLAUS: My my, I seem to have forgotten. Now then, what gift would you like? How about this free copy of Al Franken's Lies and the Lying Liars that Tell Them?
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Luis: He looks like a doody head...

HOLIDAY CLAUS: Nonsense, Al Franken is a great American hero! Fine, take this Lance Armstrong "Livestrong" bracelet. At least now you'll be aware. Okay now, children, gather 'round for Holiday Claus must leave you all very soon.
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HOLIDAY CLAUS: But before I depart, the ACLU mandates that we all gather around the Holiday Tree and sing a Holiday Carole!

Nicole: Can we sing Come All ye Faithful???

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HOLIDAY CLAUS: [very angry] CERTAINLY NOT! One more outburst like that and ill have to call the lawyers to this school! Okay kids, I'm through with your intolerant backwards red-state antics! No more nonsense. Hold hands and stand in a circle around the Holiday Tree right this instant! [the frightened kids comply] Good. Now repeat after me: WE SHALL O-VER-CO-O-OME....WE SHALL O-VER-CO-O-OME.....

Kids [some crying]: WE SHALL O-VER-CO-O-OME...WE SHALL O-VER-CO-OME....

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HOLIDAY CLAUS: Wonderful! [hops into her earth-friendly sleigh] Remember, kids, the ACLU cares about you. We are here to fight for tolerance and religious diversity! We only want to protect you from biased right-wing religious whackos and those who would lead you into thoughtcrime temptation- like the authors of The Dick List. Remember, kids, that unless you want to live in a brutal theocracy, you must fight to make sure there are no decorated trees on public land! Please help us in our fight to eradicate thoughtcrime and offensiveness forever! Farewell children! A tolerant and inclusive holiday to all, and to all a good night! GO GO GO! [Holiday Claus speeds off towards the next elementry school].

And off went the bitch out into the cold,
and her hybrid cars' wheels started to roll.

And all of the childern began to be happy,
'cause they knew that Christmas no longer'd be crappy.

And back in the school the ACLU was gone,
and they celebrated Christmas like they had all along!

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Sunday, December 07, 2008

The Resurgence of the Left Explained!

Males are being feminized by pesticides and other chemicals.

I knew there must be some scientific explanation for the faggotry we see throughout the West. If this keeps up, I suggest you invest in Broadway show tunes and Chinese lessons.

Friday, November 28, 2008

The Worst Possible Way To Go...

- Number 2

Sometimes you read a story that makes you weep for humanity. Then there are stories like this, in which you begin to pray for the asteroid to hit and wipe us out already.

A worker at a Long Island Wal-Mart - a store walking distance from home - was killed when the mob outside tore the fucking doors off their hinges and trampled him to death. Because apparently a human fucking life is less important than $30 off a new flat screen TV.

I don't want to get to philosophical, but seriously, is there any more pointless way to die? Trampled to death by a stampede of people looking to get into a fucking sale? I hope every person there gets charged with Manslaughter, if not felony murder for their actions (they ripped the doors down rather than wait for the store to open, that has to be breaking and entering, and the death was a result of the felonious act).

Oh yeah, and in case you think it can't get much worse, it does. Apparently the cops on scene are having to deal with another mob of people getting agitated because the store - where a man was killed a few hours earlier - is closed. They have a squad in riot gear manning the police line in front of the store because people are raging at the cops for not letting them into the Wal-Mart. Fucking animals.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Obama's Choice

And so the other day on Internet, I saw a Russian sociologist predicted that the United States would eventually collapse and break apart in the coming century.


While I think it's rather fanciful that the United States would break into many different smaller nations (the culture is far to monolitic despite our "diversity"), the idea that the United States government in its current form is impervious to collapse is not necessarily a proposition that I agree with.

The Government Accounting Office has indicated that by 2040 the entire United States budget will be taken up by Medicare, Medicaid, and interest payments on our debt. That leaves no money for education, infrastructure, or even defense.

If history shown us anything, it is shown us that a nation's military strength is closely tied to its economic strength. Additionally, the nation's political strength depends for the most part on its military strength. If the United States continues on its current path of guaranteeing medical benefits to some or most of the population without attempting to rein in the cost of medical care, it does not take a great leap of faith to foresee our nation going bankrupt.

The bankruptcy of the United States, however, will not happen in a vacuum. Rather, it will be a long, slow, painful decline which will see the dollar devalued to worthlessness (think the Argentine peso of the late '90s) and US bonds forced to pay out unconscionable interest rates. As the investing public around the world loses confidence in the US government to repay its debts, less and less investment capital will reach our shores.

Long before the United States reaches this apocalyptic phase, does anyone doubt that the politicians will find any way in their power to squeeze every last tax dollar out of the American public? In fact, you will see the government legislate its way into your supposedly tax-free 401(k) and Roth IRA. There will be an Internet tax and a carbon tax, and most likely taxes on all sorts of things that I cannot even dream of.

No, the economic decline of the United States will drag the welfare state down with it kicking and screaming. The public, in its endless stupidity, will ensure that its entitlements are the last aspect of our budget to cut.

Demographics and simple economics already dictate that our current system is unsustainable. That is, our system is already too big. Not only can it not get bigger, it must in fact shrink in order to ensure the survival of our country. Barack Obama, despite his campaign promises, apparently sees this. While I have no faith in his ability or his will to cut government spending, it appears that the economic necessity will for the time being force his hand.

The interesting question is whether Mr. Obama will stick to the course of cutting the size of government when the current economic downturn is nothing but a bad memory. If he does not, the economic and financial crisis of 2008 will be a footnote in history -- much like the economic crisis of 1907 -- as compared to the impending economic collapse that will occur before the year 2040.

Ironically enough, if any president had the power to put this country on a course away from out-of-control spending, it would be Obama. His position as a minority amongst liberals makes him unassailable, and any Republican that opposed spending cuts outside of the military sphere would have no chance at reelection.

So now all we have is hope -- that the President elect will see the light and cares about his country enough to make the tough decisions in the face of his party's big-spending orthodoxy.

Monday, November 17, 2008

I'm shocked, really....

Tuesday, November 04, 2008


So this country has been bamboozled into electing a neophyte socialist straight from the arms of far left academia. Surprised?

I am not.

I can hardly blame the public for its misinformed decision making. When one is blind and must depend on another's eyes, one sees what the other person wants.

The news media actively hid and or downplayed Obama's seedy past, while giving him glowing coverage for every set piece media gimmick he came up with. Additionally, the media has consistently downplayed or concealed the myriad failings of the left in general, from the housing crisis they helped create to their incredibly idiotic "retreat now" Iraq policy that has since been proven spectacularly wrong.

Now they have suspended the very laws of logic and convinced the voting public that high tax, anti-business socialists are "better with the economy". That's akin to telling people with high cholesterol that eating at Burger King is the best way to reduce the risk of heart attack.

The fact is that stock markets go up and they go down. Economies go into recession. These things happen, and they are to be expected. Its not the end of the world, and taxing business certainly will not facilitate an economic recovery.

Barack "Barry" Hussain Obama terrifies me. Its not because he's half black and its not because he has a Muslim name. Obama frightens me because he is a dyed in the wool socialist that is impossible to critique in today's media due to his skin color. Obama got into the presidency never having his past fully investigated or scrutinized. He was not treated the same as John McCain or even Hillary Clinton, and this was simply because of the color of his skin. His history of illicit drug use, his association with marxists, racists, and reparationists, his real estate dealings with felons, and his pompous hostility to blue collar "bibles and guns" America was all glossed over during this election.

As such, Barack is our first Affirmative Action president. This is a man who is unvetted and under qualified for the job he's been given, and who comes in the office untested due to melanin and political affiliation.

Sadly, I've seen what happens first hand to many affirmative action students once they reach college- they fail out or finish near the bottom of their class because they never had "the goods" to compete with their peers to begin with. That's what happens when a student is admitted due to the qualities of their outside instead of the qualities of their inside. Thing is, when an affirmative action student fails out, it only hurts that student. When Obama fails, we're all gonna pay the price.

Which leads me back to my initial point- that the Obama presidency is a presidency for the media and by the media. In that the media has enough power to get a lightweight affirmative action candidate like Obama elected, I propose that the media has become far too powerful. They have unbalanced our democracy, and their is no check on their power.

Something must be done. The American media is now a larger threat to the nation's security than terrorism.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Elmo's Timeless Liberal Wisdom

"When Conservative Philosophies Fail" by Elmo

And lets face it, conservative philosophies always fail in the end. Not just one or two of the worst of them, all of them. Every. single. time. they are tried. It's one of those inevitable facts that plagues our history. But why? Why do conservatives, time and again, fight furiously to perpetrate old cockamamie conservative schemes on our society? History is very clear, yet their belief in these debunked philosophies only grows stronger in the face of overwhelming facts to the contrary!(Remember that Seinfeld episode were George says "it's not a lie...if you believe it!")

Yes, Elmo, good point. In fact, the 20th century is littered with the massive failures of the free market....

Oh, wait... maybe I was thinking of socialism....

The answer, quite clearly, is that they are socially retarded. And proud of it, to boot.

Your meds need to be doubled.

Lets start with the founding of this great nation. With the Seven Years' War over, leaving the British strapped for cash, the conservatives of the day, who called themselves Tories, figured that corporate welfare would be the fix to their financial woes.

I can't wait for this one....

That's right, supply side economics. One of their companies, The East India Company, who managed the tea trade on behalf of the British government, was going bankrupted. So they stopped the export tax on East India Company and started charging a modest import tax on American tea merchants. Then flooded the American market with cheap British tea. The conventional wisdom was, this will work because Americans love cheap shit! How'd that work out for ya, Tories?

Good one, dick. Did you mention the little part about the British government protecting the colonies from French and Indian attack? The reason taxes were implemented on the colonies after the war was to pay back the debt the British ran up defending them. The colonists had no problem with the principal of taxation by the crown. What they did have a problem with was TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION. Sorta like what your liberal cockfags want to do when they tax businesses who in turn pass the higher costs on to the consumer.

Oh... and I now turn my attention to the most idiotic notion in your argument (and there are many). It goes something like this: "The British Government taxed American tea mearchants and then flooded the American market with cheap tea from the East India Company as a form of corporate welfare".


Ask yourself this: where did these so called "American tea merchants" get their tea from?

Give up?

The East India Company you fucking moron. It was the only source of tea in America due to something called 'mercantilism' (look it up, dumbsky)- a non-freemarket system more akin to the type favored by liberals. America did not and does not today produce its own tea.

Thus, the British never 'flooded the market with cheap tea' to put Americans out of business since there was no domestic tea supply to begin with; what they imposed was a systemic and global import tax on tea brought to America by the East India Company. By taxing the tea and allowing the colonies no alternative supply, the result was an increase in tax revenue which was passed off as a cost of living increase. The closest modern parallel would be if the government placed a windfall tax on Exxon. The oil company would surely pass on the tax to the public in the form of higher gas prices.

IN short, you have totally misunderstood history and economics but what should I expect?

Next lets take a look at The Roaring 20's. The Great War was over, and America did not want much to do with the rest of the world. Mass production and mass consumption was the way of the day. Production processes were taken out of the hands of skilled craftsmen

Whats the matter, you getting tired of your own nonsense? Ill end with this- mass production is what we have today because IT IS SUPERIOR TO HAND CRAFTMANSHIP. IT IS CHEAPER AND FASTER AND OFFERS BETTER QUALITY CONTROL. Production was not 'taken' from skilled craftsmen; Rather they were put out of business by superior techniques.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I couldn't say this in a better way, nor do I have the time to....

Would the Last Honest Reporter Please Turn On the Lights?
By Orson Scott Card

Editor's note: Orson Scott Card is a Democrat and a newspaper columnist, and in this opinion piece he takes on both while lamenting the current state of journalism.

An open letter to the local daily paper — almost every local daily paper in America:

I remember reading All the President's Men and thinking: That's journalism. You do what it takes to get the truth and you lay it before the public, because the public has a right to know.

This housing crisis didn't come out of nowhere. It was not a vague emanation of the evil Bush administration.

It was a direct result of the political decision, back in the late 1990s, to loosen the rules of lending so that home loans would be more accessible to poor people. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were authorized to approve risky loans.

What is a risky loan? It's a loan that the recipient is likely not to be able to repay.

The goal of this rule change was to help the poor — which especially would help members of minority groups. But how does it help these people to give them a loan that they can't repay? They get into a house, yes, but when they can't make the payments, they lose the house — along with their credit rating.

They end up worse off than before.

This was completely foreseeable and in fact many people did foresee it. One political party, in Congress and in the executive branch, tried repeatedly to tighten up the rules. The other party blocked every such attempt and tried to loosen them.

Furthermore, Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae were making political contributions to the very members of Congress who were allowing them to make irresponsible loans. (Though why quasi-federal agencies were allowed to do so baffles me. It's as if the Pentagon were allowed to contribute to the political campaigns of Congressmen who support increasing their budget.)

Isn't there a story here? Doesn't journalism require that you who produce our daily paper tell the truth about who brought us to a position where the only way to keep confidence in our economy was a $700 billion bailout? Aren't you supposed to follow the money and see which politicians were benefiting personally from the deregulation of mortgage lending?

I have no doubt that if these facts had pointed to the Republican Party or to John McCain as the guilty parties, you would be treating it as a vast scandal. "Housing-gate," no doubt. Or "Fannie-gate."

Instead, it was Senator Christopher Dodd and Congressman Barney Frank, both Democrats, who denied that there were any problems, who refused Bush administration requests to set up a regulatory agency to watch over Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and who were still pushing for these agencies to go even further in promoting sub-prime mortgage loans almost up to the minute they failed.

As Thomas Sowell points out in a essay entitled "Do Facts Matter?" (] ): "Alan Greenspan warned them four years ago. So did the Chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers to the President. So did Bush's Secretary of the Treasury."

These are facts. This financial crisis was completely preventable. The party that blocked any attempt to prevent it was ... the Democratic Party. The party that tried to prevent it was ... the Republican Party.

Yet when Nancy Pelosi accused the Bush administration and Republican deregulation of causing the crisis, you in the press did not hold her to account for her lie. Instead, you criticized Republicans who took offense at this lie and refused to vote for the bailout!

What? It's not the liar, but the victims of the lie who are to blame?

Now let's follow the money ... right to the presidential candidate who is the number-two recipient of campaign contributions from Fannie Mae.

And after Freddie Raines, the CEO of Fannie Mae who made $90 million while running it into the ground, was fired for his incompetence, one presidential candidate's campaign actually consulted him for advice on housing.

If that presidential candidate had been John McCain, you would have called it a major scandal and we would be getting stories in your paper every day about how incompetent and corrupt he was.

But instead, that candidate was Barack Obama, and so you have buried this story, and when the McCain campaign dared to call Raines an "adviser" to the Obama campaign — because that campaign had sought his advice — you actually let Obama's people get away with accusing McCain of lying, merely because Raines wasn't listed as an official adviser to the Obama campaign.

You would never tolerate such weasely nit-picking from a Republican.

If you who produce our local daily paper actually had any principles, you would be pounding this story, because the prosperity of all Americans was put at risk by the foolish, short-sighted, politically selfish, and possibly corrupt actions of leading Democrats, including Obama.

If you who produce our local daily paper had any personal honor, you would find it unbearable to let the American people believe that somehow Republicans were to blame for this crisis.

There are precedents. Even though President Bush and his administration never said that Iraq sponsored or was linked to 9/11, you could not stand the fact that Americans had that misapprehension — so you pounded us with the fact that there was no such link. (Along the way, you created the false impression that Bush had lied to them and said that there was a connection.)

If you had any principles, then surely right now, when the American people are set to blame President Bush and John McCain for a crisis they tried to prevent, and are actually shifting to approve of Barack Obama because of a crisis he helped cause, you would be laboring at least as hard to correct that false impression.

Your job, as journalists, is to tell the truth. That's what you claim you do, when you accept people's money to buy or subscribe to your paper.

But right now, you are consenting to or actively promoting a big fat lie — that the housing crisis should somehow be blamed on Bush, McCain, and the Republicans. You have trained the American people to blame everything bad — even bad weather — on Bush, and they are responding as you have taught them to.

If you had any personal honor, each reporter and editor would be insisting on telling the truth — even if it hurts the election chances of your favorite candidate.

Because that's what honorable people do. Honest people tell the truth even when they don't like the probable consequences. That's what honesty means . That's how trust is earned.

Barack Obama is just another politician, and not a very wise one. He has revealed his ignorance and naivete time after time — and you have swept it under the rug, treated it as nothing.

Meanwhile, you have participated in the borking of Sarah Palin, reporting savage attacks on her for the pregnancy of her unmarried daughter — while you ignored the story of John Edwards's own adultery for many months.

So I ask you now: Do you have any standards at all? Do you even know what honesty means?

Is getting people to vote for Barack Obama so important that you will throw away everything that journalism is supposed to stand for?

You might want to remember the way the National Organization of Women threw away their integrity by supporting Bill Clinton despite his well-known pattern of sexual exploitation of powerless women. Who listens to NOW anymore? We know they stand for nothing; they have no principles.

That's where you are right now.

It's not too late. You know that if the situation were reversed, and the truth would damage McCain and help Obama, you would be moving heaven and earth to get the true story out there.

If you want to redeem your honor, you will swallow hard and make a list of all the stories you would print if it were McCain who had been getting money from Fannie Mae, McCain whose campaign had consulted with its discredited former CEO, McCain who had voted against tightening its lending practices.

Then you will print them, even though every one of those true stories will point the finger of blame at the reckless Democratic Party, which put our nation's prosperity at risk so they could feel good about helping the poor, and lay a fair share of the blame at Obama's door.

You will also tell the truth about John McCain: that he tried, as a Senator, to do what it took to prevent this crisis. You will tell the truth about President Bush: that his administration tried more than once to get Congress to regulate lending in a responsible way.

This was a Congress-caused crisis, beginning during the Clinton administration, with Democrats leading the way into the crisis and blocking every effort to get out of it in a timely fashion.

If you at our local daily newspaper continue to let Americans believe — and vote as if — President Bush and the Republicans caused the crisis, then you are joining in that lie.

If you do not tell the truth about the Democrats — including Barack Obama — and do so with the same energy you would use if the miscreants were Republicans — then you are not journalists by any standard.

You're just the public relations machine of the Democratic Party, and it's time you were all fired and real journalists brought in, so that we can actually have a news paper in our city.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Obama's Policies: The Math Just Doesn't Work

by TLA

Barack Obama's color doesnt mean a damn thing to me. Nor would I care if he was a transexual mexican buddhist with a taste for young boys.

No, opposition to Obama from many Americans lies directly in the fact that the man's foreign and domestic policy proposals are illogical and counterproductive.

For example, Obama's tax cut 'for 95% of Americans' makes no logical sense when seen in light of his proposals to have the government fund health insurance for the uninsured. We can barely afford the medicare and medicaid system we have now, and the current system only covers the destitute and the aged. All government projections indicate that by 2040 at the latest (and probably much sooner than that) our nation will go bankrupt by funding medicare and medicaid alone. Even if we cut education and military funding to $0, we still wouldn't be able to afford medicare and medicaid.

Why? Because our largest generation- the baby boomers- are retiring en masse and there are not enough tax payers to support all of them.

So how can Obama cut taxes and increase the government's health care payroll? Very simply- he can't. He can, however, create a very expensive mess that still won't cover most Americans...

Obama knows as well as anyone that the money saved by an immediate and total pullout of Iraq and Afghanistan would still not be enough to fund expanded health care. Raised taxes on those making over $250,000 would make even less of dent in the staggering cost, which will be many multiples bigger than the much maligned $700 billion bank bailout.

The fact that Obama has proposed such a ludicrous policy exposes him as a liar and a fraud. The fact that no one in the media has asked him to explain this logical pretzel is criminal.

If Obama was serious about helping uninsured Americans, he would have to start on two main fronts: making insurance less expensive and making medical care less expensive. In order to make insurance less expensive, one must eventually address the gargantuan added cost of medical malpractice lawsuits. We all know, however, that the day liberal Democrats come out in favor of capping jury verdicts will be a cold day in hell indeed. Oh- by the way the American Bar Association is one of the top contributors to the Democratic party.

Making medical care less expensive is a bit more complicated. Of course capping lawsuits would help this too, however I would love to hear even one politician run on a platform that TV advertising for prescription medication should be banned. God knows how much money these pharma companies waste on commerical airtime, but we all know that pharma dollars line the pockets of Democrat and Republican alike.

Of course medical care would be even less expensive if hospitals did not have to provide free care and treatment to every illegal immigrant that washes ashore. That, of course, is another issue that will never be addressed by Obama.

Barack Obama may be half black and he may be 'The One' according to Oprah, but he's not a magician and he can't make gold from goose shit. Let him come up with a plan that makes logical sense and is not impossible, and possibly he can win over many of the people who are so skeptical of him. Otherwise, he's just another grandstanding demagogue thats all smoke and mirrors.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Bradley Effect: Wingnut Wet Dream

By Elmo

Eat shit and die you Tory ass gutter-slime motherfuckers. Of all the reasons for why I hate you, my favorite, has got to be your blind trust in that enough people will hate minorities just enough for you to keep racial prejudice strong in America...forever. Thanks for playing, but you lose.

As if you ever had a chance at winning. Fools. You were doomed before your Tory ass grand-pappy shat his first shit. A tide rolls motherfucker and it never stops. It just slides back, gathers steam, and smacks your ass again.

So, now your petty, ignorant asses can't hold up to the erosion, and all you've got left is your whining and crying and dieing. Must suck to be you...but it sure is a site watching you fall. LOL! You wont ever find my ass feeling sorry for you. Traitors.

Even if your wet dream comes true, and many vote opposite of their spoken word, the next time around, you'll get smacked harder. And if needed, the next time, even harder again. But there will be an end, Tory...there will be an end to you.

I can see you dreaming, smirking away in your sleep late on November 4th, self assured in your Bradley effect blanket. You feel all snugly and safe in that place. But then, there comes an annoying sound that ruins your dream. It is a ringing of sorts and you don't feel so snugly anymore. Fuck make it stop! Then you wake up November 5th, and realize, that bell is still ringing in your head...and it tolls for you.

Friday, October 10, 2008


Sorry for the light week. We'll be back.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

'Obama Youth' Video Stricken From Most You Tube Links


Kids like to sing and play music about political figures....

Tuesday, September 30, 2008



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Monday, September 29, 2008

TDL Economics: Dem's the breaks ( Ha how droll )

- AC #1

This was just a lazy link fest, hell like most blogs, to fill time until I finish my magnum opus regarding Neo, um I mean Barak Obama. I vaguely glanced over this video when it was making the rounds last week;

Copyright friendly version

Actual version

It's well done, explains the crisis in a fair way, and has some great songs. This version has a mere 232 hits as of the writing of this post, now I thought that was a little light considering it was on Hot Air and the rest of'em. I found the link to the version that had well over 800,000 views, now that's more like it, except it was down due to a copyright claim by Time Warner .

And now its time for Double Jeopardy where the scores can really change...

...Which US politician has Time Warner donated the most money to in the entire government?


via Hot Air

  • Don't know what ACORN is? You should, after all they think you're a rich white cracker who be holding the black man down, oh and you fund them too.
via New York Post

  • Gee who do you think was #2 in money received from Fannie Mae, and Freddie Mac? Here's a hint; its not John McCain. Also of interest, well to me not the vast majority of actual MSM news organizations, corrupt former head of Fannie Mae Franklin Raines guess which campaign he is helping with economic strategy, don't think you need a hint on that one.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


***UPDATE 9/25***
Opposition to Paulson's bailout plan is sheer idiocy and if the Republicans don't support it, then a pox on thier house. $700 billion is pocket change compared to what we'll lose if we go into a deep recession or even a depression. I can not overstate the danger we are in. Millions could lose everything. I have come to the end of my rope with the corrupt and super-political Republican party... approve the deal or be responsible for an economic disaster that you will never be able to disown.

So whats up with this whole credit crisis thingy? Why do we need a $700 billion bailout? What the fuck happened? Why is Elmo a retard?

I bet you've been asking the very same questions.

Being the Wile E. Coyote-esque genius that I am, allow me to drop some knowledge on yo' ignint asses. Its time you all know exactly what the subprime crisis is and how we got to this point without all of the economic jargon and big-assed words...

Y'all pay tention now, ya heah?

The year is 2004. Jeb is a 28 year old man from Atlanta, Georgia. Jeb wants to buy a $450,000 McMansion in the brand new Prawnville suburban development on the outskirts of Atlanta, but he doesn't have enough money to do so. Jeb has been making $45,000 per year at an I.T. company where he has worked for the past six months and his decision making abilies have always been questionable (Jeb is voting for Obama this year).

When he was 22, Jeb leased a BMW on his credit card even though he worked as a pizza delivery boy. It made him look like 'a baller', though, so Jeb didn't think twice about the cost. Needless to say, in two months' time Jeb wasn't able to pay his credit card bill and the BMW was repoed. Since that point, Jeb's credit has been in the shitter. Jeb's credit score is 10 & 1/2.

Regardless, Jeb believes that he is entitled to live in a big, fancy McMansion so he decides to go down to his local mortgage broker to try to get a mortgage. Jeb has saved up about $1700 in his bank account, which he believes is a sufficient down payment for a $450,000 house.

Jimmy is Jeb's mortgage broker. Jeb plops $1700 in cash on Jimmy's table and says "Git me er mortgage, pleeze". Jimmy advises Jeb that while he can't get him a 30 year fixed rate mortgage due to his credit sdcore of 10 & 1/2, there's this "loan product that's perfect" for him called an Adjustable Rate Mortgage (ARM). Jimmy says that an ARM is "awesome" because the interest rate is currently only 3%, whereas a 30 year fixed rate is at 5.7%. "Fixed rate mortgages" says Jimmy "are for old timers and suckers because ARM rates are soooo low. Besides, if the interest rates go up you can just give me a call and we'll refinance. Piece 'o cake. And the best thing of all- no down payment is required!"

"Awesome!!!" says Jeb. "Where do I sign?". Being impulsive and fiscally irresponsible by nature, Jeb never really stops to think about what would happen if the interest rates go up and he suddenly has to pay 6% or 7% interest. Jimmy, on the other hand, doesn't give a fuck. He's not lending out his own money, he's only a mortgage broker. Besides, Jimmy gets a hefty commission each time he gets another ARM signed up.

After Jeb leaves Jimmy's office, Jimmy calls his pal Bill the banker. Bill works at the mortgage department of the 1st Regional Bank of Georgia. "Bill," Jimmy says, "I've got another one for you. The loan is for $450,000- adjustable rate. Our guy has no work history, his credit is terrible, he has no major assets, and put down no down payment. Is that okay?"

"Another subprime? Sure!" exclaims Bill. You see, a 'subprime mortagage' is a mortgage given out to people who are a high credit risk, like Jeb. "Sign him right up, Jimmy, I'll have the money to you by closing."

So is Bill totally nuts or just plain stupid? Actually, he's neither. You see, Bill has no intention of collecting a single mortgage payment from Jeb. In fact, as soon a Jeb goes to closing, Jeb's mortage is placed into a vast pool along with thousands of other subprime mortgages given out by the 1st Regional Bank of Georgia. This vast pool is then divided up into shares. Each one of these shares is called a 'mortgage backed security' that can be bought and sold like stocks or bonds.

Now that Bill has thrown Jeb's mortgage into a pool that has been divided into thousands of shares, he has to find buyers for these shares... but he doesn't have to wait long. The phone rings- its Ira the investment banker from Lehman Brothers in New York City!

"Bill, Its Ira. Do you have any mortgage shares for me to buy? We just can't get enough of them! We love mortgage shares because real estate is such a safe investment. I mean, even if the home buyers default on their mortgages, the home itself is great collateral. Real estate never goes down in value, so how can we lose?? It's a win-win!"

"Well Ira," says Bill "I do happen to have mortgage shares for you, but they're subprime shares. They're riskier than other types of shares. But don't fear- we called our friends over at AIG this morning and for a small percentage they've agreed to insure the shares against loss! Isn't that great?"

"Wow!" exclaims Ira, "That's awesome! I'll buy all of the mortgage shares you have. Then, I'll re-sell some of the mortgage shares to investors around the world, and I'll hold on to the subprime shares myself because they pay such a high interest rate. What a cash cow! Bill- its great doing business with you, my friend. The next time I talk to you I hope you have even more mortgage shares for me to buy".

"I sure will, Ira" says Bill. "I'll lend money to anything that breathes and shits so long as you keep buying the loans from me!"

Fast forward to 2007. Back in suburban Atlanta, the developments of Pwntown and WestFAIL have sprung up next to Prawnville, chock full of McMansions. So many McManisons, in fact, that there aren't enough people to buy all of them.

Things for Jeb aren't so wonderful. His ARM rates have risen modestly, and since Jeb only makes $48,000 per year (he got a raise) and just leased another BMW, any little adjustment in his mortage rates put him in danger of running out of money. In a pinch, Jeb calls Jimmy the mortgage broker.

"Jimmy, I wanna re-fin-ance to er fixed rate mortgage" says Jeb.

"Um, yeeeah" says Jimmy "Ya see, the thing is you're a bad credit risk so I can't re-finance ya right now, mmmkay?"

"But what 'bout mah house" says Jeb, "Can't yer use that as co-lateral?"

"Yeah, about that house" responds Jimmy, "ya see its kinda not worth what you paid for it because they've built so many other McMansions around here. We can't even sell the ones we have on the market now. I just can't get a bank to refinance someone like you with depreciating assets and bad credit, mmmkay"

"But... wuh 'bout mah house? Mah Bee Em Dubyah?!?! You said I could re-finance as soon as the rates went up!!"

"Well I'm sorry, guy. I just can't help you out, But who ever said life was fair? Have a good day."

Jeb is now stuck. He doesn't have enough money to pay his mortgage and no one will refinance him because his credit sucks and his house is worth nearly $100,000 less than what he paid for it.

Jeb is not alone, either. In 2006 and 2007, a large percentage of subprime loans begin to default. All of a sudden, Ira and his buddies in New York are holding millions of morgage shares that are worth a whole lot less than what was paid for them. Some, in fact, are worthless. And on top of this, the collateral behind the shares has decreased greatly in value. To make matters worse, forclosure is not even a viable option due the costs that would have to be incurred by forclosing on thousands of people like Jeb and taking possession of and maintaining their houses.

In any case, between snorting lines of coke and getting handjobs at massage parlors, Ira gets a phone call from Harry in the Hamptons, who is a big-time investor in the Lehman Brothers' hedge fund.


"Oh, hi Harry. H-how can I help you?" meekly replies Ira, trying to calm his client.


"Well, you see, we invested a bunch of money in mortgage shares and they're not doing so well right now..... but the market goes up and down....and they'll come back I'm sure..."


"Y-yeah, don't worry. I'm gonna call AIG right after I get off the blackberry with you and ask for the insurance money".


As people like Harry in the Hamptons pull their money from Lehman, investor confidence crashes and small investors begin to sell their shares of Lehman Brothers. The further down the stock goes, the more people sell in a panic. All of a sudden, everyone is selling and Lehman is running out of cash.

Desperate, Ira calls AIG.

"Hello, is this AIG? I'd like my insurance money for my subprime mortgage shares."

"Hi, this is AIG. Look guy, we have a little issue here. Check it- you're like the millionth person that called today asking for an insurance payout n' shit. Some jerk from Goldman Sachs just asked me for cash like 2 minutes ago over this subprime stuff. Thing is, I just don't know if we can pay you all, cause we never anticpated all of you asking for insurance payouts at the same time."

"What the fuck? I'm screwed! If I can't calm down the investors in Lehman, we're gonna go bankrupt! What can I do?"

"Dunno, brah. You're pretty fucked but so are we. I heard the government is gonna take us over because we've run out of money. Why don't you call another bank like Citibank and ask for a loan?"

Despondent, Ira calls Citibank and asks for a loan.

"Hello, Citibank? This is Ira from Lehman. We need some cash because everyone is bailing on us! Give me a couple of billion, please."

"Hey there, Ira" says Carl from Citibank, "We'd love to help you but we just can't do it. I mean, my bosses have told me not to lend money to anyone since we lost all that money on mortgage shares not to mention the money we lent to other investment banks that we ended up losing when they went under. Besides, since your share prices have dropped and you've lost all your money, your credit rating has been downgraded to junk bond status. In other words, You have a terrible credit rating and collateral that is depreciating in value. I'm afraid we cant give you a loan, you're just too much of a risk. Sorry, guy."

The next day, Lehman Brothers goes bankrupt and Ira retires to San Tropez. Ira had sold his stock in Lehman a few months ago and ended up quite rich. He's currently enjoying his new life on the Cote D'Azure. Jeb, meanwhile, is enjoying his new life at his momma's house eating spoonfulls of cheeze wiz.

After Lehman's bankruptcy, panicked investors begin to sell more and more shares in all the other financial companies. As the selling gathers momentum, it becomes indiscriminate. Suddenly, the federal government realizes that if it doesn't step in to calm the markets, the entire banking system faces total collapse. With no more loans and no more credit, the entire U.S. and World economy face not just recession but full-blown depression.

So to make a long story short, the government requested $700 billion to buy all of those subprime mortgage shares from the banks and other shareholders, so that investors can regain confidence in the banking system to prevent a collapse. The money is not definately a total loss because the houses which are the collateral behind the subprime shares do have some value to them. Once the real estate market turns around, its quite plausible the government could even make money. Right now, however, things look pretty grim and the cost to the U.S. taxpayer colud reach $1 trillion.

So who's to blame?

Well if my parable has taught you anything, its just not that simple. The blame is so large that it encompasses everyone, not just greedy Wall Street 'fat cats' like Ira. The Greenspan Fed is to blame for keeping interest rates unnaturally low, thus enticing people who don't belong buying houses into buying houses. The public (Jeb) is to blame for buying above their means, planning poorly for the future, and spending money wastefully. The mortgage industry (Jimmy and Bill) are to blame for lending money irresponsibly to people they knew were terrible credit risks. Wall Street (Ira) was to blame for buying mortage backed securities under the idiotic premise that they would never lose value, thus enticing the mortgage industry to lend without standards. Insurers like AIG are to blame for underwriting mortgage backed securities that they knew they couldn't pay for, and Credit agencies are at fault for not investigating the viability to the mortgage backed security shares before issuing them high credit ratings. Finally, government is to blame for failing to properly monitor lending standards.

This post is by no means a complete account of what happened, just a condensed and simplified version for public consumption. I hope that with a little understanding of the issue, you can now identify the spin as it comes from both the Republicans and Democrats, and make a more informed decision as a voter in November.

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